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Maple Review Home -> 落尘诗社

时候

是有缘
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Joined: 08 Feb 2008
Posts: 741

是有缘Collection

Posted: 2008-11-03 19:32:31 Post subject: 时候

我看月亮的时候月亮仿佛是你的脸我看星星的时候星星如同你的眼我看日出的时候像是与你一起登过泰山我看日落的时候没有你的日子又过了一天春花开的时候哪一簇是你的浪漫夏日烈的时候等待中知了叫得让人心烦秋叶红的时候风霜里留着曾经燃烧的火焰冬雪飘的时候脚印一串，没了又一年

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-11-03 20:51:35 Post subject:

觉得中途应该转个调性，间或其他。 _________________ 可情可理，去捧就真

曲元奇
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Joined: 01 Mar 2008
Posts: 427
Location: 山东
曲元奇Collection

Posted: 2008-11-03 22:23:48 Post subject:

有民歌风味又不乏知识分子的情怀

红袖添乱
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Joined: 09 Jan 2008
Posts: 778

红袖添乱Collection

Posted: 2008-11-04 13:03:17 Post subject:

好看，很喜欢。有缘真浪漫 _________________ 梦的一端是我脉脉的凝视，而另一端是你清澈的眼睛。

是有缘
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Joined: 08 Feb 2008
Posts: 741

是有缘Collection

Posted: 2008-11-05 20:28:43 Post subject:

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:

觉得中途应该转个调性，间或其他。

呵呵，还没学会。惭愧。

是有缘
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Joined: 08 Feb 2008
Posts: 741

是有缘Collection

Posted: 2008-11-05 20:30:00 Post subject:

曲元奇 wrote:

有民歌风味又不乏知识分子的情怀

谢谢曲兄读赏并美言。

是有缘
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Joined: 08 Feb 2008
Posts: 741

是有缘Collection

Posted: 2008-11-05 20:31:07 Post subject:

红袖添乱 wrote:

好看，很喜欢。有缘真浪漫

哈，袖子喜欢我开心～～！

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-11-06 06:11:00 Post subject: 有缘兄开玩笑！这是～

是有缘 wrote:

诗盗喜裸评 wrote:

觉得中途应该转个调性，间或其他。

呵呵，还没学会。惭愧。

您新诗与古体能切分得很开，这也是您的特色。
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

悠子
举人

Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection

Posted: 2008-11-06 06:46:53 Post subject:

总有浪漫的时候

博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2008-11-06 23:08:15 Post subject:

可以參考一下流沙河<了啊歌>的寫法. _________________ （在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

上城
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Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection

Posted: 2008-11-07 02:24:46 Post subject:

博弈 wrote:

可以參考一下
流沙河<了啊歌>的寫法. Smile

博弈读的诗歌很广。真算得上博览群诗啊。 Very Happy

还要学习
_________________
每个诗人都很重要

点点儿
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Joined: 12 Jan 2008
Posts: 413
Location: 眇小的地球
点点儿Collection

Posted: 2008-11-10 20:21:55 Post subject:

偶看你的时候，连个背影都目咧 _________________ －－－其实你永远不懂我的心－－－

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