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Maple Review Home -> 落尘诗社

傍晚

曲元奇
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Joined: 01 Mar 2008
Posts: 427
Location: 山东
曲元奇Collection

Posted: 2008-09-05 18:04:35 Post subject: 傍晚

傍晚的小船装满落日我用乏力的笔摇着桨让一张纸去托住夕阳

红袖添乱
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Joined: 09 Jan 2008
Posts: 778

红袖添乱Collection

Posted: 2008-09-05 19:43:54 Post subject:

突然让我回到依稀的童年。。。那时夕阳很美。 _________________ 梦的一端是我脉脉的凝视，而另一端是你清澈的眼睛。

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-09-06 05:45:39 Post subject:

第一节就觉得可以再斟酌。 _________________ 可情可理，去捧就真

苏茉儿
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Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 739

苏茉儿Collection

Posted: 2008-09-06 08:56:37 Post subject:

夕阳无限好，只是，，， _________________ 默默无言处，盈盈一笑间。

曲元奇
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Joined: 01 Mar 2008
Posts: 427
Location: 山东
曲元奇Collection

Posted: 2008-09-06 17:36:51 Post subject:

傍晚的小船不再犹豫我用乏力的笔摇着桨让一张纸托住夕阳

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-09-07 17:49:26 Post subject: 不再犹豫，用的巧。

曲元奇 wrote:

傍晚的小船
不再猶豫

我用乏力的筆
搖著槳

讓一張紙
托住夕陽

_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

红袖添乱
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Joined: 09 Jan 2008
Posts: 778

红袖添乱Collection

Posted: 2008-09-07 18:21:27 Post subject:

说说为什么用的巧。。。 _________________ 梦的一端是我脉脉的凝视，而另一端是你清澈的眼睛。

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-09-07 18:30:07 Post subject: 给读者很多的想像空间。但不能算好，因为没有做适当的引导。

紅袖添亂 wrote:

說說為什麼用的巧。。。

_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

悠子
举人

Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection

Posted: 2008-09-08 04:12:30 Post subject:

很巧。更喜欢改过的。

是有缘
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Joined: 08 Feb 2008
Posts: 741

是有缘Collection

Posted: 2008-09-08 20:55:34 Post subject:

寥寥数语说不完的诗意！ _________________ 蜻蜓点水非无意愁云化雨是有情

曲元奇
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Joined: 01 Mar 2008
Posts: 427
Location: 山东
曲元奇Collection

Posted: 2008-09-08 22:58:06 Post subject:

谢谢

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