mahuairong 童生
注册时间: 2008-07-19 帖子: 51 来自: Qingdao China mahuairong北美枫文集 |
发表于: 2008-07-19 19:04:09 发表主题: A City Night |
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(By Ma Huai-rong)
As if conducted by some evil intentions
the searchlight and the neon signs
are scribbling on the dusky sky
homework a tutor would turn down
and order to be redone a million.
It is hot, suffocating and sullen.
Then there comes a storm and rain.
For shelter huddling together strangers remain.
What to do next?
Pause and again.
The night is getting dimmer,
a nice time for making up homework.
By an open window
A pupil is obliged to hasten a composition
He’d rather concentrate neither see nor listen.
After quarreling night birds make peace.
Waste collectors cease their shouting and yelling
Still murmuring on the lips of granny
What fine fellows in day
to help repair lock and key asking no pay.
Awhile fences crossing and glass shattering
Crying, defending, beaten, beating and chasing
and fleeing into the police station,
a final, a terminal or a destination?
Safety not success is secured for the champion.
Porcelain faces send messages with bewitching eyes
in shallow shades by road lamps.
Tender fingers crossing show service prices.
Lo, over there, what part of that man’s body
Hides and shows itself above bush?
Where morning flag is to be raised,
Fast food for noon is to be served.
Over and below the ads on the balcony
cheers, laughs, turns round and tips doubled.
Luxurious cars blare, splash and glide away.
True, a city night
a dazzling scene and amazing topic
may not be proper for pupil composition.
To dwell by school is convenient.
To face a night club not always pleasant.
Now writing is the pupil yawningly sitting,
Muddled, goddess flying and swords wielding
The dead are missing the living;
The earth turns into a ball, a basket,
a biscuit or a cup of coffee.
After all, plays and kicks
have violently passed the light of day.
Now ink is drier and pen heavier.
Imagination finds it difficult
to body forth the forms of things unknown.
Shutters shut sound still peering
Televisions are turned off
Why games are still heard of?
Badges badger couples upon couples constantly
Lying consciously to argue, agree while quarrel.
Copper is so-so.
Yet silver is good.
But gold is better to be weighed for exchange.
For fear of a fake,
Let’s first deem it nothing.
Like something insomnia is also contagious.
On so spacious a wooden bed
wife vie husband, back to back.
One facing a round chair
the other the whitened wall.
Nose to nose possibly with
another figure familiar or unfamiliar
beyond a solid wall
to divide neighbor from neighbor
Blank screens sometimes suggest a lot
The pen on paper is creeping like a snail
Without shining morning face
The brain feels it hard to concentrate
What sound is that along with the easy wind?
Snoring or drinking or biting at bread?
Survival besides safety except success
A theme immortal for any age bracket
Unemployment and dismissal are not so terrible
Terrible is earthquake at such a second.
For Chinese linger to death is better than hasten
Living for bread or vice versa?
No, no, no.
Yea, yea, yea.
A thousand tracks to follow during night
still to sell bean curd at daybreak.
False a human being
True the human nature.
( Qingdao University China) _________________ You see me, you lose me |
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Lake 举人
注册时间: 2007-01-09 帖子: 1286
Lake北美枫文集 |
发表于: 2008-07-19 20:09:43 发表主题: |
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Welcome on board, mahuairong.
I see you have good control of the English language. I usually read a poem two or three times before commenting, since this one is too long, I only read it once. Then I must've missed something here, if so, sorry for that.
The scene in this poem is a bit too busy to my taste, though I see a busy city night I feel I'm kind of lost in grasping the main idea. The language is well executed, but there are a few places where the expressions are kind of old to the modern content.
These are just my personal opinions. Let's see what other people think.
Hope you can stay and give your suggestions to others' works.
Enjoyed it nonetheless.
Lake _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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mahuairong 童生
注册时间: 2008-07-19 帖子: 51 来自: Qingdao China mahuairong北美枫文集 |
发表于: 2008-07-19 20:44:37 发表主题: |
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Dear Lake, thanks for your comments. This is the first English poem I have written.
I put it here just to know what you and other people think. in this way, i can make progress. Thanks!! _________________ You see me, you lose me |
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戴玨 秀才
注册时间: 2007-01-03 帖子: 808
戴玨北美枫文集 |
发表于: 2008-07-20 15:06:56 发表主题: |
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As if conducted with some evil intentions
Under shelter huddling together strangers remain.
He’d rather concentrate than see or listen.
"and order to be redone a million."這行應是前面句子的一部分吧?但沒看明白。
"Pause and again." again what?
By an open window
A pupil is obliged to hasten a composition
He’d rather concentrate neither see nor listen.
第一字的大小寫清楚點會好點,前面幾節都清楚。 _________________ I labour by singing light
我的blog
我的專欄 |
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mahuairong 童生
注册时间: 2008-07-19 帖子: 51 来自: Qingdao China mahuairong北美枫文集 |
发表于: 2008-07-21 20:44:40 发表主题: |
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i am open to criticism and opinions from dear friends. thanks _________________ You see me, you lose me |
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Lake 举人
注册时间: 2007-01-09 帖子: 1286
Lake北美枫文集 |
发表于: 2008-07-22 08:34:06 发表主题: |
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mahuairong 写到: |
This is the first English poem I have written.
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Sorry, I don't believe it.
Rome is not built up in one day.
Best,
Lake _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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mahuairong 童生
注册时间: 2008-07-19 帖子: 51 来自: Qingdao China mahuairong北美枫文集 |
发表于: 2008-07-22 09:39:17 发表主题: Rome was not built in a day |
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dear Lake,
To tell the truth, it is true that this is the first poem i've ever written. To be more specific, i am a teacher of Chinese writing, and aprreciation of literary works in teh Chinese Department of Qingdao University.
So far i have published a novel entitled "对门" which you can search and learn about on the internet.
these days i have been reading shakepeare and Whitman and feel the impuse to compose poems.
I look forward to more comments of yours. Thanks _________________ You see me, you lose me |
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Lake 举人
注册时间: 2007-01-09 帖子: 1286
Lake北美枫文集 |
发表于: 2008-07-22 10:05:05 发表主题: |
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I see. At least you didn't start from zero, your "对门" proves that you have a solid foundation. I'll see if I can find it. Thanks. _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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