qinghongh
榜眼
Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110
qinghonghCollection |
 Posted: 2008-05-18 09:26:40 Post subject: 飘去的云霞 |
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飘去的云霞
一片云霞，
从废墟飘上蓝天。
悄然而去，
不再悄然而返。
面对大地，
不忍再看一眼。 |
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hepingdao
Site Admin
Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106
hepingdaoCollection |
| Posted: 2008-05-18 09:31:20 Post subject: |
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问好qinghongh, 很好的立意
最后一句, 没经你同意, 就替你重排了一下
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为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫! |
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qinghongh
榜眼
Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110
qinghonghCollection |
| Posted: 2008-05-18 09:52:29 Post subject: |
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| 谢岛主关注！云霞是青春，云霞是冤魂...如果加了“连”字，就反映不出这层意思了。请再斟酌。 |
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hepingdao
Site Admin
Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106
hepingdaoCollection |
| Posted: 2008-05-18 10:19:20 Post subject: |
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| qinghongh wrote: |
| 谢岛主关注！云霞是青春，云霞是冤魂...如果加了“连”字，就反映不出这层意思了。请再斟酌。 |
不好意思,你自己再润色吧
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qinghongh
榜眼
Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110
qinghonghCollection |
| Posted: 2008-05-18 11:12:34 Post subject: |
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| 谢岛主指点，作了些修改。 |
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