黄洋界 探花

Joined: 23 Mar 2007 Posts: 3301 Location: 多伦多,加拿大 黄洋界Collection |
Posted: 2008-05-15 08:53:42 Post subject: 七绝 惊悉汶川大地震二首 |
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向死难同胞致哀,向震中人民祈祷。
蜀地惊心大震来
千家万户竟罹灾
苍天竟不垂青眼
令我生民尽举哀
巴山蜀水凄凉地
地动惊魂处处哀
众志成城人自救
齐心协力抗天灾 _________________ ++++++++++++++
喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰 |
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qinghongh 榜眼
Joined: 14 Oct 2007 Posts: 4110
qinghonghCollection |
Posted: 2008-05-15 17:02:34 Post subject: |
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黄老师心系故乡,情哀四川。同哀! |
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松云老人 秀才
Joined: 11 Apr 2008 Posts: 376 Location: 中国 松云老人Collection |
Posted: 2008-05-15 17:33:58 Post subject: |
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黄版是蜀人!问候。 |
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他乡客 秀才
Joined: 03 Jan 2007 Posts: 487 Location: 加拿大.渥汰华 (Ottawa, Canada) 他乡客Collection |
Posted: 2008-05-15 18:55:12 Post subject: |
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天灾降蜀,黄老动容。为四川老乡们祈祷。 |
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莹雪 进士出身
Joined: 28 Sep 2006 Posts: 2520 Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都 莹雪Collection |
Posted: 2008-05-15 19:11:21 Post subject: |
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让我们共同祈祷祝福! |
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郑达夫 秀才

Joined: 29 Oct 2007 Posts: 734 Location: 福建永春仙夾園德樓 362604 郑达夫Collection |
Posted: 2008-05-15 19:59:44 Post subject: |
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向死难同胞致哀,向震中人民祈祷。
蜀地惊心大震来
千家万户竟罹灾
苍天竟不垂青眼
令我生民尽举哀
巴山蜀水凄凉地
地动惊魂处处哀
众志成城人自救
齐心协力抗天灾
欣赏欣赏佳作~~问好先生~~ _________________ 我的新浪博客:
http://blog.sina.com.cn/zdf595
我的QQ: 450895168
我的地址:福建永春仙夾園德樓(362604) 鄭逹夫 |
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黄洋界 探花

Joined: 23 Mar 2007 Posts: 3301 Location: 多伦多,加拿大 黄洋界Collection |
Posted: 2008-05-16 04:54:24 Post subject: |
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诚谢诸位诗友关注灾情,为川中父老乡亲心哀哀,心愁愁。
哀兵必胜! _________________ ++++++++++++++
喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰 |
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秋叶 秀才
Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 769
秋叶Collection |
Posted: 2008-05-16 06:48:23 Post subject: |
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黄老师大作感人,也向死难同胞致哀,向震中人民祈祷。
有二处重字了,供参考。 |
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黄洋界 探花

Joined: 23 Mar 2007 Posts: 3301 Location: 多伦多,加拿大 黄洋界Collection |
Posted: 2008-05-16 09:52:09 Post subject: |
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谢秋叶关注,谢指出重字,将“千家万户竟罹灾”一句中的“竟“字改作”苦“字,如何? _________________ ++++++++++++++
喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰 |
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秋叶 秀才
Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 769
秋叶Collection |
Posted: 2008-05-17 20:45:56 Post subject: |
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黄洋界 wrote: |
谢秋叶关注,谢指出重字,将“千家万户竟罹灾”一句中的“竟“字改作”苦“字,如何? |
“灾”和“苦”近意,用“突”字是否多了一义?供参考。 |
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黄洋界 探花

Joined: 23 Mar 2007 Posts: 3301 Location: 多伦多,加拿大 黄洋界Collection |
Posted: 2008-05-18 07:58:19 Post subject: |
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秋叶“突”字改得好,形容出人们毫无思想准备而面临的大灾,更显灾情的惨烈,谢谢! _________________ ++++++++++++++
喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰 |
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秋叶 秀才
Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 769
秋叶Collection |
Posted: 2008-05-18 13:24:05 Post subject: |
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巴山蜀水凄凉地
地动惊魂处处哀
众志成城人自救
齐心协力抗天灾
“地"也重了,改为“巴山蜀水凄凉境”如何,供参考。 |
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黄洋界 探花

Joined: 23 Mar 2007 Posts: 3301 Location: 多伦多,加拿大 黄洋界Collection |
Posted: 2008-05-18 13:30:40 Post subject: |
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好极了,真是旁观者清啊!谢谢! _________________ ++++++++++++++
喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰 |
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天浪 童生

Joined: 13 May 2007 Posts: 26 Location: 北京海淀 天浪Collection |
Posted: 2008-07-10 00:24:10 Post subject: |
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蜀地惊心大震来
千家万户竟罹灾
苍天竟不垂青眼
令我生民尽举哀
竟罹灾,改为惨罹灾,不知如何?
悲剧之惨,不在现场,实难感知。
天浪问好黄老! _________________ 天 浪
http://blog.sina.com.cn/tlang |
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黄洋界 探花

Joined: 23 Mar 2007 Posts: 3301 Location: 多伦多,加拿大 黄洋界Collection |
Posted: 2008-07-10 04:03:27 Post subject: |
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天浪言之在理,换"竟"为"惨",好.谢谢! _________________ ++++++++++++++
喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰 |
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