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nobody
进士出身


Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection
PostPosted: 2007-01-20 14:19:48    Post subject: 蜕 Reply with quote


91,10

羞于提起浪漫流浪
懒得高张痛苦旗帜
也不再高深莫测地冷笑
也不再四处炫耀沉默
你可还能从我目光中
遭遇某种锐器
你可再见识过我
涂满光亮的敏感油漆的
全套自尊家俱
还有那份无力的固执
那种苍白的叛逆……
说过太多孤独
太熟悉那种骄傲
再说下去──无聊
外面,世人争说空虚
我也说──岂不流俗
现在,我坚信是一些真实的东西
构成了生活的乐趣
我已深谙──
朴实是最后的深沉
真诚是超越一切世故的精明
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-01-20 14:26:12    Post subject: Reply with quote

我已深谙──
朴实是最后的深沉
真诚是超越一切世故的精明


难得你十几年前就悟得此道, 时至今日还这么认为吗?
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nobody
进士出身


Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
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PostPosted: 2007-01-20 14:39:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

十几年前只是认识到了,十几年来在逐渐改进自己以求做到。这也是未来十几年的功课。

另外,坚信已寻到真理。让这些认识显得不足道了,现在不会再写这些。因已找到更彻底更完全的。 Smile
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hepingdao
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Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

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PostPosted: 2007-01-20 18:17:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

看来,你在十多年前,就已经认识到
朴实是最后的深沉
真诚是超越一切世故的精明

我走的路虽然很短,但也认识到,真诚是诗歌语言最重要的基石
只要从自我的生活经验出发,真诚地写下去,勇于探索和否定自己
就一定很愈写愈好的
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-01-20 18:37:28    Post subject: Reply with quote

十多年前就写的这样好,还能对生活有这样深刻的感悟,真羡慕啊~ Very Happy
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nobody
进士出身


Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection
PostPosted: 2007-01-20 18:48:54    Post subject: Reply with quote

hepingdao wrote:
看来,你在十多年前,就已经认识到
朴实是最后的深沉
真诚是超越一切世故的精明

我走的路虽然很短,但也认识到,真诚是诗歌语言最重要的基石
只要从自我的生活经验出发,真诚地写下去,勇于探索和否定自己
就一定很愈写愈好的


早胖不是胖。从诗歌的角度,藕后有旁骛(或停止了旁骛,哈哈),辍笔多年,不但没进步,而且还大跨步地退步呢,哈哈,看以前的,好多字词都不认识了。少年班最后成才的有几个?早不报什末希望。。。 希望还是寄托在您身上吧。现在已很生猛,更有兴趣看看三四年后,能写成个什末样子,替侬憧憬ing... (天粪再好,时间还是要堆上呀。。。还得看。。。不是看帖子,哈哈)
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nobody
进士出身


Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
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PostPosted: 2007-01-20 18:52:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

半溪明月 wrote:
十多年前就写的这样好,。。。~ Very Happy


谢谢谢。以前回复过岛主类似的,藕听起来就像:十多年前就这末年轻。。 Laughing
感谢之余,决不上当受骗! Mad
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司马策风
举人


Joined: 03 Dec 2006
Posts: 1211
Location: 温哥华
司马策风Collection
PostPosted: 2007-01-20 20:24:17    Post subject: Reply with quote

这就是无须意象,直接抒情的诗歌。

从某中意义上讲,这样的诗歌更需要功力和语言能力,特别需要警句似的语言,犹如

杜牧的《题乌江亭》的,忍辱包羞是男儿,卷土重来未可知。

nobody的结尾就是警句。当然,前面的议论抒情也相当精彩。建议挂起来,拟作精华。
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nobody
进士出身


Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection
PostPosted: 2007-01-21 01:23:54    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢策风兄。本来这两天就感冒,这下开始发烧了。多半是惭愧的,哈哈。
上个月才开始在另一个坛子里贴诗(现在不了,只在这里逛游,哈哈),本来都是把日期去掉的,怕人骂老。。。
咱们这里高手多,都不敢贴,最后就想留着日期,算给自己一下台阶吧,哈哈。
另外,这莫多年过去,对以前的东西,从境界到手法,都不敢苟同。贴出来,分享一下经验教训吧。
从大家身上学到很多。也想从批评中得益并提高。多批评才是真呀!俺把批评当糖吃的。
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

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PostPosted: 2007-01-22 09:32:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

nobody wrote:
半溪明月 wrote:
十多年前就写的这样好,。。。~ Very Happy


谢谢谢。以前回复过岛主类似的,藕听起来就像:十多年前就这末年轻。。 Laughing
感谢之余,决不上当受骗! Mad


以老卖老了吧,再喊老,我们要集体叫你大叔,让你老的一塌糊涂 Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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