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荒儿感谢诗友,再发旧作
荒儿
童生


Joined: 12 Jan 2007
Posts: 2

荒儿Collection
PostPosted: 2007-01-18 19:36:59    Post subject: 荒儿感谢诗友,再发旧作 Reply with quote

<<和尚圆寂>>

我的眼睛长满枯藤,看不见历史
(历史是弥漫世界的浮尘)
无法确认我的前方
是不是朝向未来

了却天下事,顿生迷茫
我已经忘记光荣和痛苦的含义
我大脑的蜘蛛网,死亡了蜘蛛

那遍山遍野的灵魂
或许各得其所
我黄袍覆盖的善哉,即将轮回


<<劳动者>>

一张斑驳了漆的红床
睡着一条松弛的汉子

劳动者在休息
他没有发出粗鲁的鼾声

劳动者从田间归来
三下五除二地吃饭

他躺下时,一瞬间的思索
就有了明天.这样他睡得很安稳


<<黑铁时代>>

所有的鸟齐聚黑铁
或立或盹,静默无声

没有输赢胜败
坚硬的黑色中,把善恶是非隐埋

看不出哪只鸟是忠臣孝子
黑铁内,也不见读书耕田

黑铁,大得无边
隐忍着寒暑,遗忘了刀剑

一个时代,面无表情
黎明的光辉,融入黑铁
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hepingdao
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Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-01-18 20:04:45    Post subject: Reply with quote

和尚圆寂:
你的一种理解,但很难接近事实, 但诗歌本来就不是事实, 所有才有了千奇百怪的思绪

劳动者:
在简单中得到了升华, 比较喜欢

黑铁时代:
太黑太密了点, 没有很好地从黑中超脱出来

黎明的光辉,融入黑铁: 可以更形象化一些

问好荒儿!
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nobody
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Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
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PostPosted: 2007-01-19 01:18:51    Post subject: Reply with quote

和尚圆寂和劳动者形成对比。
黑铁时代两头看上去很好。让人想起一首名作,好像是写黑马。。。黑如马蹄铁。。。
整体的象征意义不明朗。
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