Maple Review :: View topic - 七绝.戏题梅花

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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

七绝.戏题梅花

暗香如沁
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Joined: 14 Jan 2007
Posts: 885
Location: 北京
暗香如沁Collection

Posted: 2007-01-15 14:14:01 Post subject: 七绝.戏题梅花

不羡春来不羡秋，闲和冬雪竞风流。怕输雪意三分白，悄借红妆先掩羞。 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/axrq用寂寞谱写最美的舞曲~

白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-01-17 07:08:13 Post subject:

MM, 喜欢"怕输雪意三分白，悄借红妆先掩羞。" 俏皮, 新意. 但觉首句显弱点

hepingdao
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Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-01-17 07:26:30 Post subject:

不羡春来不羡秋，如果强化一下可以流传很久了 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

hepingdao
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hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-01-17 07:30:05 Post subject:

暗香如沁
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Joined: 14 Jan 2007
Posts: 885
Location: 北京
暗香如沁Collection

Posted: 2007-01-17 08:55:53 Post subject:

白水 wrote:

MM, 喜欢"怕输雪意三分白，悄借红妆先掩羞。" 俏皮, 新意. 但觉首句显弱点

Embarassed

嘿。说得是。我自己也觉得首句弱了。但一直没想到怎么改。先放段时间，到时候想到再说。谢谢白水指点。
_________________
http://blog.sina.com.cn/axrq用寂寞谱写最美的舞曲~

暗香如沁
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Joined: 14 Jan 2007
Posts: 885
Location: 北京
暗香如沁Collection

Posted: 2007-01-17 08:57:45 Post subject:

hepingdao wrote:

不羡春来不羡秋，
如果强化一下
可以流传很久了
Very Happy

谢谢哈。嘿。我再斟酌。
_________________
http://blog.sina.com.cn/axrq用寂寞谱写最美的舞曲~

白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-01-17 10:07:16 Post subject:

暗香, 借图临屏草和, 见笑七绝<戏和暗香> 青龙石苑别金秋, 戏雪横空笑碧流玉帝堂前铜雀镜, 呈与如沁映娇羞喜欢吗?

暗香如沁
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Joined: 14 Jan 2007
Posts: 885
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暗香如沁Collection

Posted: 2007-01-18 03:37:08 Post subject:

怪不好意思的。嘿嘿。喜欢极了。收藏。 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/axrq用寂寞谱写最美的舞曲~

白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
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Posted: 2007-01-18 04:40:45 Post subject:

暗香如沁 wrote:

怪不好意思的。嘿嘿。喜欢极了。收藏。

别不好意思, 喜欢就好. 诗歌于我纯属好玩 Wink

暗香如沁
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Posted: 2007-01-19 02:06:00 Post subject:

你一好玩我就好晕。 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/axrq用寂寞谱写最美的舞曲~

戴玨
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Joined: 03 Jan 2007
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Posted: 2007-01-19 02:24:45 Post subject:

二句“閑”改“偏”如何？

暗香如沁
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Posted: 2007-01-19 02:39:43 Post subject:

谢谢指点哈。我再斟酌。问好。 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/axrq用寂寞谱写最美的舞曲~

白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
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Posted: 2007-01-19 08:43:42 Post subject:

暗香如沁 wrote:

你一好玩我就好晕。

被我的新韵搅晕了? 我还挺为自己标准的国语得意呢 Razz

暗香如沁
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Posted: 2007-01-19 13:26:53 Post subject:

哈哈。真晕了。我是被你哄晕了。 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/axrq用寂寞谱写最美的舞曲~

白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
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Location: TORONTO
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Posted: 2007-01-19 17:07:17 Post subject:

暗香如沁 wrote:

哈哈。真晕了。我是被你哄晕了。

是吗? 看来TORONTO的诗友们送我雅号"白水大帅哥"没错 Very Happy

司马策风
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Posted: 2007-01-22 19:21:53 Post subject:

好诗好和诗。第二句的闲改为偏更好。 _________________ 《北美枫》司马策风文集 http://www.maplereview.org/best.php?t=8676

暗香如沁
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Posted: 2007-01-22 22:50:04 Post subject:

好。谢谢指教。 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/axrq用寂寞谱写最美的舞曲~

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