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《清明》(从七言到一言)
灯台小老鼠
童生


Joined: 19 Feb 2008
Posts: 82
Location: 中国广东广州
灯台小老鼠Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-26 08:06:29    Post subject: 《清明》(从七言到一言) Reply with quote

《清明》(从七言到一言)

七言 (杜牧原诗)
清明时节雨纷纷,
路上行人欲断魂。
借问酒家何处有?
牧童遥指杏花村。

六言
清明时 雨纷纷,
路上行 欲断魂。
问酒家 何处有?
童遥指 杏花村。

五言
清明雨纷纷,
路行欲断魂。
酒家何处有?
遥望杏花村。
(改了一个字,双角戏也变成独角戏)

四言
清明雨纷,
路行断魂。
酒家何处?
遥望杏村。

三言
雨纷纷,
行断魂。
酒何处?
遥望村。

两言
雨纷,
断魂。
酒家?
遥忖。
(改了一个字,更显渺茫)

一言 (思家版)
雨,
昏。
家?
忖。


一言 (酒鬼版)
雨,
昏。
酒?
忖。
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莹雪
进士出身


Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-26 17:42:08    Post subject: Reply with quote

哦,原来还有这样弄的 Wink Razz Very Happy
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灯台小老鼠
童生


Joined: 19 Feb 2008
Posts: 82
Location: 中国广东广州
灯台小老鼠Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-27 07:42:38    Post subject: Reply with quote

见笑,见笑,
但能这样弄的诗确实不多
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-27 10:25:10    Post subject: Reply with quote

从七到一,各尽其妙,足见汉字之神奇。从七减到一,简则简矣,然而,有时会觉得失之过简,影响了表达。(尽管有标点在帮助表达)个人一孔之见。
_________________
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喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰
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灯台小老鼠
童生


Joined: 19 Feb 2008
Posts: 82
Location: 中国广东广州
灯台小老鼠Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-28 09:16:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

楼上所言极是,我也觉得到三言已是极限,但同样可有多种版本、多种意境:

清明雨,
行人魂。
家何处?
杏花村。
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晓松
举人


Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection
PostPosted: 2008-04-02 19:37:51    Post subject: Reply with quote

呵呵,我挺喜欢这种创意形式,可当作一种乐趣。也来试试:(只删不改)

清明时节雨纷纷,
路上行人欲断魂。
借问酒家何处有,
牧童遥指杏花村。

清明时 雨纷纷,
路上人 欲断魂。
问酒家 何处有?
牧童指 杏花村。

清明雨纷纷,
行人欲断魂。
酒家何处有?
童指杏花村。

清明雨纷,
行人断魂。
酒家何处?
童指杏村。

清明雨,
路上人。
酒何处?
杏花村。

清明,
断魂。
酒家?
杏村。

雨,
魂!
酒?
村。


高兴就好~~
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灯台小老鼠
童生


Joined: 19 Feb 2008
Posts: 82
Location: 中国广东广州
灯台小老鼠Collection
PostPosted: 2008-04-05 13:41:28    Post subject: Reply with quote

雨,
魂!
酒?
村。

很有清明的味道
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