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感官与记号
博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-21 00:17:49    Post subject: 感官与记号 Reply with quote

感官与记号

电视墙边人们挺胸塞上膛药方刚赳赳
智者看着耳鼻喉科招牌旁的中药足浴

吞咽了口唾沫心里琢磨
红绿灯能不能规范
血液如谣言
街上有许多地雷

切开柠檬月色——
三月梦境在手术台
枫红汨汨路桥泊,清冷河畔
乌鸦呱了几句人语

斑马线拗对旗帜鲜明的’颜色冲锋巷战
猫头鹰捕向来声的原委
下了班的警察小心
意义换了便服

寂寞地走回家。评论扑空
静脉与动脉纠结着
妻给的眼神
拉扯着变形的衣服
洗衣机只搅得纤维更乱


一句话也断断续续如月淹在
——更漏,熨斗
————烫不静明天纽扣
云的喉头。撕破了帆布的
船在原地,风在打转
屏幕如兽,吞噬了心脏

民主就是和我不同的就不是民主就是
我不爱你你就不可能比我更爱她就是
政客选前亮票并迷恋自己影子的舞姿
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(在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美)
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莞君
秀才


Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 561
Location: 中国 陕西
莞君Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-21 01:46:34    Post subject: Reply with quote

欣赏了 问好 语言表达的不错
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-21 03:42:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

最后的长句很显功底,问好~
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博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-21 06:15:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

觉得该作点说明。

我想,除了一,二行,倒数的三行,其所包围的句子之语法是不同于常态中文的,当然,这是有意的。如同以往我写的《乱》,这是我的多维派写法之一,这里把言外意,后设,语序的联想(记号诗学),暗示(疑问)语码刻意地打乱,再由读者去重组。这里感官与记号之间的非物质联系,就是诗的表达,可看作这个形式的底层。词语联系比如上色处。其余段也类似,下一段自前面段抽取意蕴如抽丝。


电视墙边人们挺胸塞上膛药方刚赳赳
智者看着耳鼻喉科招牌旁的中药足浴

吞咽了口唾沫心里琢磨
红绿灯能不能规范
血液如谣言
街上有许多地雷

规范血液(名词越靠近的越强),规范谣言(弱),谣言止于智者,血液如谣言 是一个脱序无终点的语意逃离,读者留下悬念的心理效果;多维譬喻兼脱序。但总要非诗人读者能模糊感觉到意涵才算成功。又例,

一句话也断断续续如月淹在
——更漏,熨斗
————烫不静明天纽扣
云的喉头。



一句话也断断续续如月淹在
云的喉头。

中间两行是延续前段

洗衣机只搅得纤维更乱
更漏,熨斗
烫不静明天纽扣

也是脱序(语序)的写法。

斑马线拗对旗帜鲜明的’ 颜色冲锋巷战

的’ 是一个我创的用法,借取英文的精神,用在所谓的形容字句或形容属性的较长的片语,其前的用来形容后接的余句。

这样的创作并不期望多人接受,但对语法诗法的开发(这首即作未全满意),是一个尝试。也试着走在杨牧的诗法之前,并图破传统意象美育,或曰意象的残缺美。
试述并交流。 Smile
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上城
进士出身


Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-21 20:15:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

半溪明月 wrote:
最后的长句很显功底,问好~



问好。不讲句的意义(取消独立的句意?),只注重词意的延伸。读者脑子里只剩些片段,但也有别开生面的惊喜。

捶碎了句子
词语扭着脖子
呼啦啦出海面

“符号”,“记号”诗学也应属于后现代之列吧。您的这个“多维”带了点“complexity”。如果您的这算“学院派”,如艾略特。那么Ginsberg将“神圣”喊出,群峰惊呼。有感。
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