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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

点绛唇

notcoffee
童生

Joined: 27 Feb 2008
Posts: 53

notcoffeeCollection

Posted: 2008-02-28 13:34:27 Post subject: 点绛唇

雁字云天乱红渐欲遮青案秋蝉续叹片句秋风拣牵挂情肠婉若千迴转枫笺换此般思念泪洒桃花扇

莹雪
进士出身

Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection

Posted: 2008-02-28 16:19:11 Post subject:

韵律流畅。

是有缘
秀才

Joined: 08 Feb 2008
Posts: 741

是有缘Collection

Posted: 2008-02-28 20:22:49 Post subject:

写得挺好。恐怕“语”“蝉”二字不合词律。 _________________ 蜻蜓点水非无意愁云化雨是有情

莹雪
进士出身

Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection

Posted: 2008-03-03 00:37:18 Post subject:

若是改成“秋蝉语叹”是否会更好？个人浅见，仅供参考！

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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

Once you post your works here, that means you submits them to the magazine of Maple Review (North American Maple, or BeiMeiFeng), a bilingual journal published by Chinese Literature Society of North America. The magazine holds the right to translate them into Chinese, and publish them in both languages. You need to be responsible for the copyright issues of your own files uploaded.
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