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醒
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PostPosted: 2008-02-28 04:57:58    Post subject: 醒 Reply with quote
一夜之间，水花敲响了河床
大地之下，煨着一团火
绿色的火苗轻舔着土壤的缝隙
娓娓道来。昆虫趴着
在阳光下滤去旧日的毒
竹林那么多修长的竹叶
我不知道哪片是那条伸着懒腰的青蛇
天刚刚洗过，有着牧场一样单纯和空旷
你们去田野吗？请带上我的羊
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Holybolt
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PostPosted: 2008-02-28 06:27:04    Post subject: Reply with quote
语言描述得那么美！
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杯中冲浪
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PostPosted: 2008-02-29 02:01:29    Post subject: Reply with quote
最后一句，来得突兀。
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白水
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PostPosted: 2008-02-29 16:26:16    Post subject: Reply with quote
http://oson.ca/viewtopic.php?p=67678#67678
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PostPosted: 2008-02-29 17:01:58    Post subject: Reply with quote
Holybolt wrote:
语言描述得那么美！

拉萨给你问好，多指点。
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PostPosted: 2008-02-29 17:02:50    Post subject: Reply with quote
杯中冲浪 wrote:
最后一句，来得突兀。


有时间来拉萨博客上喝茶。
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PostPosted: 2008-02-29 17:03:26    Post subject: Reply with quote
白水 Moonlight wrote:
http://oson.ca/viewtopic.php?p=67678#67678

白水老师辛苦，已经看到。
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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
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PostPosted: 2008-03-01 01:55:33    Post subject: Reply with quote
好诗歌，春天来了，万物复苏．敲响，煨，舔，滤，这些动词应用精到，描写非常优美，尤其喜欢竹林那么多修长的竹叶 ／我不知道哪片是那条伸着懒腰的青蛇 ，不选桃花这个老套的意象，而选用竹子，意象重叠意象，竹林让我们联想到青春苗条的女子形象，而青蛇让我们想到女子的蛇腰，那个断桥上的小青姑娘．
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