剑飞九洲雪
童生
Joined: 25 Feb 2008
Posts: 10
Location: 广东
剑飞九洲雪Collection |
 Posted: 2008-02-25 23:25:26 Post subject: [七绝]盼春桃 |
 |
|
＜盼春桃＞
去年桃花早迎蜂，
今惜空枝挂冷风．
百看凝得心蕾聚，
春燕衔回三月红．
_________________
剑飞九洲,寒尽天下雪! |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
|
|
莹雪
进士出身
Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection |
| Posted: 2008-02-25 23:27:46 Post subject: |
|
|
喜结句。
欢迎新朋友！ |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
黄洋界
探花
Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection |
| Posted: 2008-02-26 06:10:52 Post subject: |
|
|
欢迎新朋友!
结句新颖,表达出急切迎春的感情."今惜空枝挂冷风"中的"挂"字换作"颤"字,以示南方雪灾之后,犹心存余悸,不知可否.
_________________
++++++++++++++
喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
冰清
同进士出身
Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921
冰清Collection |
| Posted: 2008-02-26 09:33:44 Post subject: |
|
|
| “心蕾”，诗眼也！因“盼”至“凝”，其情何切！ |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
冰清
同进士出身
Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921
冰清Collection |
| Posted: 2008-02-26 09:38:46 Post subject: |
|
|
"今惜空枝挂冷风"中的"挂"字换作"颤"字,以示南方雪灾之后,犹心存余悸,不知可否.
黄兄，我想还是"挂"字好。
"颤"为自动词，不带宾语。 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
黄洋界
探花
Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection |
| Posted: 2008-02-26 14:27:12 Post subject: |
|
|
冰清说得对,"颤"字作自动词用,如果"颤空枝",那么,这个"颤"字则可由自动词转化为使动词,可惜位置不对.
_________________
++++++++++++++
喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
扁舟
童生
Joined: 05 Aug 2007
Posts: 37
扁舟Collection |
| Posted: 2008-02-26 14:52:58 Post subject: |
|
|
| 出律了！还是去掉七绝二字吧。 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Sign in
Album
