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五绝—上元抒怀
莹雪
进士出身


Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-22 19:55:52    Post subject: 五绝—上元抒怀 Reply with quote
仿易安夏日绝句格式

烟花放佳节，绚烂暗碧穹。
高贤思寰宇，燕雀为鸣衷。

易安原诗如下：
生当作人杰，死亦为鬼雄。
至今思项羽，不肯过江东。
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-23 06:37:44    Post subject: Reply with quote
高贤思寰宇，燕雀为鸣衷。

佳句
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莹雪
进士出身


Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-23 16:01:08    Post subject: Reply with quote
白水 Moonlight wrote:
高贤思寰宇，燕雀为鸣衷。

佳句
谢谢JJ点评！问好 Razz
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暗香如沁
秀才


Joined: 14 Jan 2007
Posts: 885
Location: 北京
暗香如沁Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-23 17:31:25    Post subject: Reply with quote
不错．以诗寓意．
_________________
http://blog.sina.com.cn/axrq用寂寞谱写最美的舞曲~
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莹雪
进士出身


Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-23 17:46:27    Post subject: Reply with quote
暗香如沁 wrote:
不错．以诗寓意．
谢谢JJ点评！我会继续努力的。
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-23 20:53:50    Post subject: Reply with quote
精当别致。

“绚烂逝碧穹" "逝"动感弱了点;与"绚烂"的感情色彩似乎不太吻合.
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莹雪
进士出身


Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-23 21:42:02    Post subject: Reply with quote
冰清 wrote:
精当别致。
...
谢谢您的点评！我会在推敲的。
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