莹雪 进士出身
Joined: 28 Sep 2006 Posts: 2520 Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都 莹雪Collection |
Posted: 2008-02-22 19:55:52 Post subject: 五绝—上元抒怀 |
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仿易安夏日绝句格式
烟花放佳节,绚烂暗碧穹。
高贤思寰宇,燕雀为鸣衷。
易安原诗如下:
生当作人杰,死亦为鬼雄。
至今思项羽,不肯过江东。 |
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白水 大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2008-02-23 06:37:44 Post subject: |
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高贤思寰宇,燕雀为鸣衷。
佳句 |
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莹雪 进士出身
Joined: 28 Sep 2006 Posts: 2520 Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都 莹雪Collection |
Posted: 2008-02-23 16:01:08 Post subject: |
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| 白水 Moonlight wrote: |
高贤思寰宇,燕雀为鸣衷。
佳句 |
谢谢JJ点评!问好  |
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暗香如沁 秀才
Joined: 14 Jan 2007 Posts: 885 Location: 北京 暗香如沁Collection |
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莹雪 进士出身
Joined: 28 Sep 2006 Posts: 2520 Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都 莹雪Collection |
Posted: 2008-02-23 17:46:27 Post subject: |
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谢谢JJ点评!我会继续努力的。 |
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冰清 同进士出身
Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Posts: 1921
冰清Collection |
Posted: 2008-02-23 20:53:50 Post subject: |
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精当别致。
“绚烂逝碧穹" "逝"动感弱了点;与"绚烂"的感情色彩似乎不太吻合. |
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莹雪 进士出身
Joined: 28 Sep 2006 Posts: 2520 Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都 莹雪Collection |
Posted: 2008-02-23 21:42:02 Post subject: |
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谢谢您的点评!我会在推敲的。 |
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