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"HuaHe Cup" 2007 Chinese Mainland and Oversea Poetry Competition and Non-governmental Magazines and Newspapers Joint Exhibition starts on the first day of 2007.
  
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村言
敦智
童生


Joined: 18 Jun 2007
Posts: 40

敦智Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-21 03:41:19    Post subject: 村言 Reply with quote

洋房兀立小山坡,惹得村人眼似魔。
时代于今不同了,羡他有女赚钱多。
2008-2-10
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晓松
举人


Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-22 15:53:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

贴近现实,走进生活。问好~
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2008-02-22 21:05:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

小诗写诗。第三句是否太过口语化?
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-23 21:02:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

我倒觉得这"口语化"出神, 且与"村言"贴近。
我读过楼主不少的诗,很欣赏他语言的这一特色.
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2008-02-24 06:22:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢冰清老师点拨。问好!
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