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【一只智齿发炎的羊】
半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-17 23:07:02    Post subject: 【一只智齿发炎的羊】 Reply with quote
【一只智齿发炎的羊】

面前,这只粗布口袋
醉熏熏,一碰就倒
咕咕噜噜倒出一大堆
枣树枝，花椒叶，黑皂角
这些邻家园子清扫回来的垃圾
带有花的汁液和气味
划破手指。她恨透了

他嘻笑，又从左口袋掏
珍珠项链，和肥厚嘴唇
惹上胭脂红，失却光泽和纯净
下水道酸溲
冬天的蒸汽管，阀门泄漏

她转身找针，预缝上那条大口袋
“狼来了”。故事刚开头
他来不及喊两遍，就被吓坏
眯着眼，清点一遍羊只
圈，严密无缝。他暗自得意

午夜两点，她智齿发炎
撬开圈门,扬长而去
故事像一具醉死的狼
没有悬念地 吊在房梁上
晃荡
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赵福治
探花


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-17 23:11:28    Post subject: Reply with quote
故事像一具醉死的狼
没有悬念地 吊在房梁上
晃荡
......喜欢这样的结尾,悬念.
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倪言
童生


Joined: 28 Jan 2008
Posts: 5

倪言Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-18 00:40:57    Post subject: Reply with quote
欣赏.
_________________
倪言，笔名泥文，原名倪文财，重庆人。
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遛达的七七
秀才


Joined: 07 Jun 2006
Posts: 329

遛达的七七Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-18 00:57:21    Post subject: Reply with quote
！明月这个有意思
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荷梦
进士出身


Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-18 16:43:50    Post subject: Reply with quote
很不同的笔触，不一样的手法，为情？
问好明月！
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-19 16:33:56    Post subject: Reply with quote
赵福治 wrote:
故事像一具醉死的狼
...


谢福治兄弟点读~节好!
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-19 16:34:50    Post subject: Reply with quote
倪言 wrote:
欣赏.


问好倪言,你的诗歌不错~我也很欣赏!
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-19 16:35:20    Post subject: Reply with quote
七小姐 wrote:
！明月这个有意思


呵呵，问好七~
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-19 16:36:20    Post subject: Reply with quote
荷梦 wrote:
很不同的笔触，不一样的手法，为情？
问好明月！


这是个尝试写作,是个故事，和自己无关的~ Very Happy
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