又一方天 秀才

Joined: 16 Nov 2006 Posts: 385
又一方天Collection |
Posted: 2007-01-06 02:14:39 Post subject: 《山 庄》 |
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《山 庄》
壶酒钓竿越山梁, 欲寻净地不辞忙.
跨涧清涟水流碧, 步岭翠滴露含香.
林深幽静传鸟语, 桃放淡霭映霞光.
忽现一处仿古宅, 豪华富丽显堂皇.
原是矿主神通广, 金屋藏娇歌舞狂.
脂粉油气透窗外, 双双浪蝶飞过墙.
自然和谐一坡花, 具被此辈污染脏.
一阵阴风穿谷袭, 可是怨魂闹山庄? _________________ 空钩久垂
钓得
烟波月醉 |
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戴玨 秀才

Joined: 03 Jan 2007 Posts: 808
戴玨Collection |
Posted: 2007-01-06 03:17:46 Post subject: |
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新韻七古? |
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又一方天 秀才

Joined: 16 Nov 2006 Posts: 385
又一方天Collection |
Posted: 2007-01-06 12:39:55 Post subject: |
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是的,也算新乐府. _________________ 空钩久垂
钓得
烟波月醉 |
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暗香如沁 秀才
Joined: 14 Jan 2007 Posts: 885 Location: 北京 暗香如沁Collection |
Posted: 2007-01-15 02:17:08 Post subject: |
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古风写得不错。流畅,且景致层层递进。只是个人感觉只结句说了些情稍微显得淡了些。另“一”字用得稍多了点。浅见。 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/axrq用寂寞谱写最美的舞曲~ |
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