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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

自家阳台

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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-02-01 15:28:41 Post subject: 自家阳台

自家阳台楼高架起孤独城，临风处还有景观。远山与我数白云，去返燕儿燕儿盘。桃色新绿九重葛，不识险境攀危栏。横竖点点彩色车，车上男女各个单。寂寞阳台对花语，春天怎么这么寒。 2007/12/20那天1140 祝朋友们平安喜乐！大地万象更新！诗盗拜 _________________ 可情可理，去捧就真

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2008-02-01 17:58:35 Post subject:

问好新春. 万事如意

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2008-02-01 19:14:15 Post subject:

哦，过年了，谢谢通知。祝落尘尘土飞扬。。。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

红袖添乱
秀才

Joined: 09 Jan 2008
Posts: 778

红袖添乱Collection

Posted: 2008-02-01 19:37:59 Post subject:

过年好~~~ 楼上个位好~~ 落尘好~~ _________________ 梦的一端是我脉脉的凝视，而另一端是你清澈的眼睛。

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2008-02-01 21:11:18 Post subject:

落尘新春好

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2008-02-01 21:59:02 Post subject:

春寒心不单落尘花更鲜 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

上城
进士出身

Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection

Posted: 2008-02-22 21:14:19 Post subject:

横竖点点彩色车，车上男女各个单。寂寞阳台对花语，春天怎么这么寒。应改“诗盗”为“诗孤” _________________ 每个诗人都很重要

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-02-22 21:24:28 Post subject:

是孤啊！落尘没人来，孤！落尘热闹的忙不过来，也孤！ _________________ 可情可理，去捧就真

上城
进士出身

Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection

Posted: 2008-02-22 21:51:44 Post subject:

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:

是孤啊！落尘没人来，孤！落尘热闹的忙不过来，也孤！

慢慢来。急不得。落尘，风尘扑扑的不好。落花才美
_________________
每个诗人都很重要

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-02-22 21:58:47 Post subject:

落尘得养好花开，是风是雨是尘栽。 _________________ 可情可理，去捧就真

Lake
举人

Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

LakeCollection

Posted: 2008-02-23 08:59:54 Post subject:

“落尘”，车水马龙，尘土飞扬，很热闹的了。轻弹一下？这首的节奏好像是 4/3 或 2/2/3, 但第二句这样读起来就有点... I don't know. _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-02-23 09:07:03 Post subject:

Lake wrote:

“落尘”，车水马龙，尘土飞扬，很热闹的了。
...

辣妹也太久不去落尘凑合两句，俺改口叫辣妈啦！

这是写坏的作品，原打算由远写到近，做是做到了，可是没能合律就撂倒了。
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2008-02-24 03:59:42 Post subject:

祝落尘尘土飞扬。。。

上城
进士出身

Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection

Posted: 2008-02-25 20:00:25 Post subject:

哈哈,这诗我觉得不咋样.很幽默不过您的文章比博弈要好只读过一篇.下次再读全别怪我总说实话.我实话实说哦. _________________ 每个诗人都很重要

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-02-25 20:20:41 Post subject:

伤城 wrote:

哈哈,这诗我觉得不咋样.很幽默
...

欢迎实话实说，也欣赏！不过俺得用力反驳一番！这首作品好哪！有题意、题旨、喻依、喻旨，有构思、有布局，押平水韵，写现代诗。灵感起处完美，落笔七言成形。行走流水难收，随势酝酿而上。总的来说：这是一首非常成功的失败作品。您大可冠上不伦不类以做结！哈～
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

阿依琼裙
秀才

Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
阿依琼裙Collection

Posted: 2008-02-26 01:15:17 Post subject:

自家阳台有景观～～问好！ _________________ 踏过废墟,走来 http://blog.sina.com.cn/m/weiyurong

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-02-26 10:09:43 Post subject:

阿依琼裙 wrote:

自家阳台有景观～～

问好！

能了解一下您ID的意义么？
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

阿依琼裙
秀才

Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
阿依琼裙Collection

Posted: 2008-02-26 17:40:09 Post subject:

想想看，当初是怎么有了这个名字的？？想不来了，笑～难道是“阿姨的裙子？？” 呵呵～～很好玩的～～～ _________________ 踏过废墟,走来 http://blog.sina.com.cn/m/weiyurong

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-02-26 17:49:08 Post subject:

阿依琼裙 wrote:

想想看，当初是怎么有了这个名字的？？
...

关键字：琼！这个字没解释到，按照这里的分析是美好的意思。也就是说：阿依（阿姨）美好的裙子！我猜这一定是件迷你裙。
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

回到拉萨
秀才

Joined: 07 Feb 2008
Posts: 131

回到拉萨Collection

Posted: 2008-02-26 17:50:18 Post subject:

楼高架起孤独城，临风处还有景观。远山与我数白云，去返燕儿燕儿盘。桃色新绿九重葛，不识险境攀危栏。横竖点点彩色车，车上男女各个单。寂寞阳台对花语，春天怎么这么寒。拉萨学习了，问好。 _________________ 点击进入回到拉萨的火车

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