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空气

悠子
举人

Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection

Posted: 2008-01-31 19:36:26 Post subject: 空气

晨曦里的露珠将你的呼吸，凝成透明的一滴风，在心思里荡开花香弥漫过来才发现我们之间，只隔着空气盼你递来一抹阳光雨，独自叹息散落一地花瓣的情绪思念的痕迹，渐渐堆积 01/31/2008

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-01-31 20:01:07 Post subject:

写好了才找图，看到图才开始写？ _________________ 可情可理，去捧就真

悠子
举人

Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection

Posted: 2008-01-31 20:05:52 Post subject:

文8对图，图8对文。这图是文集里的，看着还能用吧。

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-01-31 20:10:28 Post subject:

悠子 wrote:

文8对图，图8对文。这图是文集里的，看着还能用吧。

堆积，用的太堆积。相形之下，第一段较具完整性。
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

悠子
举人

Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection

Posted: 2008-01-31 20:13:58 Post subject:

哈，又是老毛病，尾没有收好。我把心思都花在了第一段。

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-01-31 20:16:31 Post subject:

悠子 wrote:

哈，又是老毛病，尾没有收好。我把心思都花在了第一段。

这是顺着我说，还是你自己也这样觉得？

再编辑：我说得是两段相比较，没有提结尾。因为这如果是你自己认定
的风格，就没有好批评。（堆积）是挑出来说的，不完全指收尾。
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

悠子
举人

Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection

Posted: 2008-02-01 14:54:45 Post subject:

当然是顺着你说.

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-02-01 18:42:24 Post subject:

悠子 wrote:

当然是顺着你说.

真没战斗力！算了，你也强悍不起来。
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

红袖添乱
秀才

Joined: 09 Jan 2008
Posts: 778

红袖添乱Collection

Posted: 2008-02-01 19:38:42 Post subject:

好~~~ _________________ 梦的一端是我脉脉的凝视，而另一端是你清澈的眼睛。

啥么
秀才

Joined: 10 Jan 2008
Posts: 169

啥么Collection

Posted: 2008-02-01 23:46:01 Post subject: Re: 空气

悠子 wrote:

晨曦里的露珠
将你的呼吸，凝成
透明的一滴
风，在心思里荡开
花香弥漫过来
才发现我们之间，只隔着
空气

盼你递来一抹阳光
雨，独自叹息
散落一地花瓣的情绪
思念的痕迹，渐渐
堆
积

01/31/2008

思念掩藏在思念中
_________________
这有点麻烦

悠子
举人

Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection

Posted: 2008-02-02 09:58:59 Post subject:

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:

悠子 wrote:

当然是顺着你说.

真没战斗力！算了，你也强悍不起来。

顺着你说，才是有战斗力的表现~

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-02-02 23:17:15 Post subject:

悠子 wrote:

诗盗喜裸评 wrote:

悠子 wrote:

当然是顺着你说.

真没战斗力！算了，你也强悍不起来。

顺着你说，才是有战斗力的表现~

喔，以柔克刚！问题是，我不是刚呀？
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

悠子
举人

Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection

Posted: 2008-02-03 13:12:25 Post subject:

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:

喔，以柔克刚！问题是，我不是刚呀？

你当然8是。你是烂铜烂铁，克不了的。

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-02-03 14:25:57 Post subject:

悠子 wrote:

诗盗喜裸评 wrote:

喔，以柔克刚！问题是，我不是刚呀？

你当然8是。你是烂铜烂铁，克不了的。

切！这阵子猛上涨，没啥不好！俺认了。
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

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