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喝火令.梦醒断桥
暗香如沁
秀才


Joined: 14 Jan 2007
Posts: 885
Location: 北京
暗香如沁Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-26 03:45:34    Post subject: 喝火令.梦醒断桥 Reply with quote

喝火令.梦

雪舞梅香冷,风侵夜色深,万千心绪怎无痕?不奈天涯孤旅,望倦别离人。 手抚琴音老,幽幽几断魂。悲欢无语看浮沉。梦底空叹,梦底景难温,梦底一声霹雳,添泪又三分。

喝火令.醒

倦鸟和风语,新烟伴月辉,淡妆轻点一蛾眉。顾影鬓霜临镜,无语泪双垂。 夜久心同寂,更深意渐灰,素衣梅下又徘徊。醒后离思,醒后绪纷飞,醒后叹谁知我,再饮这三杯?

喝火令.断

寂夜梅花雪,兀自乱幽窗,别情离绪正思量。几处骊音飘渺,似短又还长。 醉醒无人问,惟诗三两行,鱼传尺素到余杭。断了愁思,断了这孤肠,断了万千无奈,静守一斜阳。

喝火令.桥

叶落黄花瘦,伤心忆旧游,一帘诗恨倩谁收?看倦雁儿归去,只影却难留。 料是情依旧,何需证白头?醒来无语倚兰舟。桥上烟消,桥下月痕流,桥畔笛横风叹,不尽这闲愁。
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
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PostPosted: 2008-01-26 07:05:24    Post subject: Reply with quote

拜读学习,读来恰似行云流水."料是情依旧,何需证白头?",这两句可以看作全词的文眼,主旨.用词炼句精妙.问号改作句号,以示肯定的意思,不知意下如何?
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喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰
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晓松
举人


Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

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PostPosted: 2008-01-26 11:01:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

暗香的这组喝火令,应该喝彩了。如果岛上的库里还有精牌的话,建议给挂一块。
首先,“梦醒断桥”本身就是一种诗的意境。作者又将“梦醒断桥”作为四个主题,填四组词,使每一组词都紧扣“梦”“醒”“断”“桥”这四个字。
值得一提的是,不光每组词在意境上紧扣主题,还在遣词上下了工夫,如:
“梦”中:梦底空叹,梦底景难温,梦底一声霹雳,
“醒”中:醒后离思,醒后绪纷飞,醒后叹谁知我,
“断”中:断了愁思,断了这孤肠,断了万千无奈,
“桥”中:桥上烟消,桥下月痕流,桥畔笛横风叹。
所有这些都嵌得自然,嵌得巧妙,一再强化,烘托主题,且看不出有雕凿的痕迹。实属上品。
我想暗香这次应该是拿出了九分的功夫。
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莹雪
进士出身


Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都
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PostPosted: 2008-01-26 18:14:56    Post subject: Reply with quote

婉转意浓。
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不亦悦乎
童生


Joined: 02 Apr 2007
Posts: 40

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PostPosted: 2008-01-27 08:02:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

一组好词,欣赏不已。尤其喜欢‘梦’。
楼主才艺极好,似乎稍欠积极。
祝您心情愉快,新年健康!
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

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PostPosted: 2008-01-27 12:50:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

拜读暗香好词。祝开心愉快少烦恼,新年气象更新!我等待听断桥流水奏新曲。
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暗香如沁
秀才


Joined: 14 Jan 2007
Posts: 885
Location: 北京
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PostPosted: 2008-01-27 19:44:55    Post subject: Reply with quote

黄洋界 wrote:
拜读学习,读来恰似行云流水."料是情依旧,何需证白头?",这两句可以看作全词的文眼,主旨.用词炼句精妙.问号改作句号,以示肯定的意思,不知意下如何?


感谢老师鼓励。应当改.
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暗香如沁
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Joined: 14 Jan 2007
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Location: 北京
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PostPosted: 2008-01-27 19:45:47    Post subject: Reply with quote

晓松 wrote:
暗香的这组喝火令,应该喝彩了。如果岛上的库里还有精牌的话,建议给挂一块。
...


谢谢老师给暗香这么高的评价。惭愧
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暗香如沁
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Joined: 14 Jan 2007
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PostPosted: 2008-01-27 19:48:26    Post subject: Reply with quote

莹雪 wrote:
婉转意浓。



雪.新年快乐
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暗香如沁
秀才


Joined: 14 Jan 2007
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Location: 北京
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PostPosted: 2008-01-27 19:49:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

不亦悦乎 wrote:
一组好词,欣赏不已。尤其喜欢‘梦’。
...


感谢鼓励
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暗香如沁
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Joined: 14 Jan 2007
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PostPosted: 2008-01-27 19:50:10    Post subject: Reply with quote

qinghongh wrote:
拜读暗香好词。祝开心愉快少烦恼,新年气象更新!我等待听断桥流水奏新曲。


努力吧.新年快乐
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