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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

画外音（与诗盗同题）

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杨海军
进士出身

Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection

Posted: 2008-01-25 02:46:10 Post subject:

仲尼的牛车哚哚一行古代的书生，意气风发，周游列国仲尼转侧（定格）远村苍苍之犬奋力狂吠万年之外，狗祖尚为原生态草木葳蕤之中笑听（定格）人类之祖斜挂危枝，采摘浆果食音清脆 _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2008-01-25 03:18:30 Post subject:

感谢诸位的激评。欢迎其它朋友参与，以此为题，作诗一首。相互娱乐。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2008-01-25 03:25:49 Post subject:

欢迎支持诗盗的最新创意。 http://oson.ca/viewtopic.php?t=10958 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-01-25 08:41:49 Post subject:

nobody wrote:

消防人员正在后台打捞杨二老师，我就代庖点一下诗盗选手：
...

扭吧弟！有你在，我这想搞纯粹批评的真的会没的混！让你数落都还心里头舒坦，看来得多跟您学学。
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-01-25 08:44:05 Post subject:

谢谢冲浪与博弈广告！广告费俺已经往上边报了。 _________________ 可情可理，去捧就真

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2008-01-25 16:07:26 Post subject:

暖色的灯火点亮，融化你眉睫的雪花离不开窗边的黑暗悬念你冻伤了脚踝黑暗笼罩着温度，温暖欺骗窗外的你在窗旁的是我，离去吧在窗旁的不是我，离去在窗旁的是我冻伤了心，无法痊愈在窗旁诗盗的诗我很欣赏。其实他暗藏玄机。以窗作画框，至于画外音呢，你自己仔细揣摩。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2008-01-26 00:29:00 Post subject:

好，两位选手都很和谐，咬牙切齿谦让了一番。白水，明月，你们的观点就是哈哈哈吗？请你们戴上老花镜，要么 1。明确挑一个喜欢的。两个都挑是不允许地。也是不合法地。 2。如果真地一个都看不上，那就自己同题来一个，作为表演嘉宾秀一秀。也请其他各位网友猛打！不要怕出人命，已买保险。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2008-01-26 02:37:04 Post subject: 没人, 捣乱一个

画外音请闭上你的眼睛 ______________________________________________________

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2008-01-26 02:54:41 Post subject:

需要减肥。记得高中同学把此女挂在家里墙上。他奶奶问，这是你班上同学啊？ _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2008-01-26 05:12:04 Post subject:

＜画外音＞网络时代

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2008-01-26 05:31:46 Post subject:

服了你们 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2008-01-26 06:26:05 Post subject:

啊，害怕。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

申万仓
童生

Joined: 14 May 2007
Posts: 34

申万仓Collection

Posted: 2008-01-26 08:43:01 Post subject:

拜读!拜读! 问好,问好, 握手!握手!

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2008-01-26 21:14:59 Post subject:

月亮, 你干嘛?笑晕

溪语
秀才

Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 509
Location: 中国恩施
溪语Collection

Posted: 2008-01-27 07:13:11 Post subject:

几首都很精妙！ _________________ 溪语的博客:家住鄂西

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2008-01-27 18:07:35 Post subject:

诗友酬唱，自古以来的雅兴。没人在意比个高低，活跃气氛而已。两位俱手脚利索，并初步展现了高于欧美发达国家的中文写作功力。我想两百年后，两位开始身心变化，并常伴有恶心，呕吐，便频，心悸等状况的时候，仍会记得当年，一同画外走音吧。万事绝少有清晰分界。分类多是为了强调某种观点，在特定环境下正确。诗有公母之分，也有公私之分。两位版主恰好同题为公诗，私诗做了很好的诠释。公诗较难引起共鸣。从这个角度说，更难一些。公诗私写，是把公诗变得有亲和力（approachable）的手段。冲浪常用。私诗公写？并非必要，诗盗也未采用。个见如果有意识地尝试，会显得手段灵活，并带来一些提升和变化。怎么写？不知道。胡说。跟大家比，我自认外行不委屈。另，最近俗事繁忙，要四处流窜一两个月，不能常来回帖，还望其他版主多承担。谢。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2008-01-27 18:24:59 Post subject:

诗歌界的新理论，公母之说，可谓家里没人，或不是男人的新学说，新创举，鼓掌，呱唧呱唧！ _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-01-27 18:25:56 Post subject:

哇！（并初步展现了高于欧美发达国家的中文写作功力。）这也损的太用力了！（一同画外走音吧。）这力道也不小！（诗有公母之分，也有公私之分。怎么写？不知道。）您也举个例子呀？ _________________ 可情可理，去捧就真

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2008-01-27 18:39:09 Post subject:

一向损人不利己。还有更损的呢。仔细看看那症状。知道你要让我举个例子。才加上了怎么写？不知道。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-01-27 18:46:01 Post subject:

nobody wrote:

一向损人不利己。

...

恩，好嘛！那些个症状，现在就上身了！
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

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