溪语 秀才
Joined: 16 Mar 2007 Posts: 509 Location: 中国恩施 溪语Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-13 02:19:21 Post subject: 舌头 |
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笨拙的舌头
再一次被牙齿砸伤
砸我舌头的是我自己的牙
又能冲谁说话
舌头对一些味道早已麻木
泪水的味道 汗水的味道
背影的味道 阳光的味道
铜钱的味道 诗歌的味道
这样一截舌头
值不值得保留
刚换上别人的如簧巧舌
竟发出鹦鹉的声音
咱那肉肉的舌头
隐居在口腔里
不再说一句牙齿外面的话 _________________ 溪语的博客:家住鄂西 |
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白水 大学士
Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-13 02:23:24 Post subject: |
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麻辣烫.
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nobody 进士出身
Joined: 31 Dec 2006 Posts: 2651 Location: Madtown nobodyCollection |
Posted: 2008-01-13 07:51:55 Post subject: |
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有新鲜感。欣赏。
牙齿外面的话,哈哈。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you? |
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半溪明月 榜眼
Joined: 30 Sep 2006 Posts: 4760
半溪明月Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-13 11:48:32 Post subject: |
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刚换上别人的如簧巧舌
竟发出鹦鹉的声音
有意思~ |
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迪拜 同进士出身
Joined: 31 Oct 2006 Posts: 1588
迪拜Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-13 16:52:36 Post subject: |
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有意思 |
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溪语 秀才
Joined: 16 Mar 2007 Posts: 509 Location: 中国恩施 溪语Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-14 01:32:09 Post subject: |
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白水 Moonlight wrote: |
麻辣烫.
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_________________ 溪语的博客:家住鄂西 |
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溪语 秀才
Joined: 16 Mar 2007 Posts: 509 Location: 中国恩施 溪语Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-14 01:33:19 Post subject: |
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nobody wrote: |
有新鲜感。欣赏。
牙齿外面的话,哈哈。 |
谢了! _________________ 溪语的博客:家住鄂西 |
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溪语 秀才
Joined: 16 Mar 2007 Posts: 509 Location: 中国恩施 溪语Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-22 08:12:17 Post subject: |
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半溪明月 wrote: |
刚换上别人的如簧巧舌
竟发出鹦鹉的声音
有意思~ |
把酒问青天. _________________ 溪语的博客:家住鄂西 |
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山城子 榜眼
Joined: 23 May 2007 Posts: 4771 Location: 中国贵州 山城子Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-23 07:29:52 Post subject: |
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咱那肉肉的舌头
隐居在口腔里
不再说一句牙齿外面的话
欣赏! _________________ 诗是人生的雅伴儿。 |
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韩少君 进士出身
Joined: 06 Apr 2007 Posts: 2558 Location: 吉林四平 韩少君Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-23 23:52:30 Post subject: |
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把最好的语言送给自己的爱
把最坏的语言送给大家的恨 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345 |
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溪语 秀才
Joined: 16 Mar 2007 Posts: 509 Location: 中国恩施 溪语Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-25 21:11:11 Post subject: |
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多谢楼上两位诗人大哥!问好! _________________ 溪语的博客:家住鄂西 |
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荷梦 进士出身
Joined: 19 Dec 2006 Posts: 2826 Location: 湖北,黄梅 荷梦Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-25 22:53:24 Post subject: |
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呵呵,第三节所讲的舌头,与诗的主体无关吧?有些不明白, |
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溪语 秀才
Joined: 16 Mar 2007 Posts: 509 Location: 中国恩施 溪语Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-26 08:05:48 Post subject: |
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荷梦 wrote: |
呵呵,第三节所讲的舌头,与诗的主体无关吧?有些不明白, |
跳跃了下,闪了舌头.谢谢荷梦,点评舌头. _________________ 溪语的博客:家住鄂西 |
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溪语 秀才
Joined: 16 Mar 2007 Posts: 509 Location: 中国恩施 溪语Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-27 07:09:00 Post subject: |
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舌头对一些味道早已麻木
泪水的味道 汗水的味道
背影的味道 阳光的味道
铜钱的味道 诗歌的味道
---我觉得这段和全诗不协调,谁帮忙手术手术! _________________ 溪语的博客:家住鄂西 |
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超超 童生
Joined: 27 Jan 2008 Posts: 8
超超Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-27 19:50:05 Post subject: |
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这种味道——
委屈,辛劳?
离别,当歌?
文采,富足?
嘻 这样一截舌头
值不值得挽留
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不才,拙见后的改动... _________________ 每 一 天
对 得 起 夕 阳 ~
http://blog.sina.com.cn/lc0324 |
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溪语 秀才
Joined: 16 Mar 2007 Posts: 509 Location: 中国恩施 溪语Collection |
Posted: 2008-01-28 07:40:19 Post subject: |
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请继续! _________________ 溪语的博客:家住鄂西 |
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