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Maple Review Home -> 落尘诗社

你的轻盈

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悠子
举人

Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection

Posted: 2008-01-21 07:38:28 Post subject: 你的轻盈

夜露，寄遥远的星光梦于指尖，勾勒一枚瘦月点缀树影斑驳的窗棂黑暗里久藏的余香袅袅渗出些，褶皱的记忆一切似梦，似醉，似醒温润的绿，泼入模糊褪色的画卷，春天后的颜色没有轻艳的花语静听萧索的冬季，风吟清霜闲看，雪的纷飞只为一抹你亦真亦幻的轻盈 01/21/2008

红袖添乱
秀才

Joined: 09 Jan 2008
Posts: 778

红袖添乱Collection

Posted: 2008-01-21 07:41:29 Post subject:

默默地我在走香~~~ _________________ 梦的一端是我脉脉的凝视，而另一端是你清澈的眼睛。

悠子
举人

Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection

Posted: 2008-01-21 07:44:35 Post subject:

红袖添乱 wrote:

默默地我在走香~~~

红香，袖香，苹果香，乱香~~

红袖添乱
秀才

Joined: 09 Jan 2008
Posts: 778

红袖添乱Collection

Posted: 2008-01-21 07:46:10 Post subject:

嗯，那个博弈是谁呀？台湾的？

悠子
举人

Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection

Posted: 2008-01-21 07:49:53 Post subject:

红袖添乱 wrote:

嗯，那个博弈是谁呀？台湾的？

8知道，问他自己。。。诗盗要你贴无字诗呢，看见了没

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-01-21 08:30:17 Post subject: Re: 余香

悠子 wrote:

夜露，寄遥远的星光
梦于指尖，勾勒一枚瘦月
点缀树影斑驳的窗棂

黑暗里久藏的余香
袅袅渗出些，褶皱的记忆
一切似梦，似醉，似醒

温润的绿，泼入模糊
褪色的画卷，春天后的颜色
没有轻艳的花语

静听萧索的冬季，风吟
清霜闲看，雪的纷飞
只为一抹你亦真亦幻的轻盈

...

余香 BY 苏茉儿

花，一瓣一瓣的飘落
阻拦不了季节的脚步
来往的路人们
偶尔
有人回头，摇头
远走
没有人会去赞美
它那，飘落的
余香

爱，一点一点的褪色
无法挽留离去的心
游荡于
闹市的街头
慢慢去体会那流失的温度
没有人会知道，我
灵魂的疼痛
这残留的
余香

两首余香并一块儿香！
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

悠子
举人

Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection

Posted: 2008-01-21 08:43:28 Post subject:

回社主：题目真的没想好，只好借用茉儿的余香。你不要看在茉儿的分上，只管添香。请解剖、坎。。。

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-01-21 08:45:07 Post subject:

悠子 wrote:

回社主：题目真的没想好，只好借用茉儿的余香。
...

今天吃素，不杀生！
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

悠子
举人

Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection

Posted: 2008-01-21 08:51:22 Post subject:

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:

今天吃素，不杀生！

哇，我敢上好日子啊。以后吃素的日子提前打个招呼

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-01-21 09:03:56 Post subject:

悠子 wrote:

诗盗喜裸评 wrote:

今天吃素，不杀生！

哇，我敢上好日子啊。以后吃素的日子提前打个招呼

跟着读，要念出声音才算数！

初一吃素，初二吃素，初三吃素，初四吃素，初五吃素，初六吃素。。。。。。。。。。。。你能读到初几不跳针？
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

悠子
举人

Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection

Posted: 2008-01-21 09:39:37 Post subject:

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:

跟着读，要念出声音才算数！
...

天天吃素，不跳针耶

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-01-21 17:40:44 Post subject:

悠子 wrote:

诗盗喜裸评 wrote:

跟着读，要念出声音才算数！
...

天天吃素，不跳针耶

请您放开心胸接受我犹如滔滔江水般的崇拜！
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

悠子
举人

Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection

Posted: 2008-01-21 21:22:45 Post subject:

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:

请您放开心胸接受我犹如滔滔江水般的崇拜！

洼，这不成灌水诗社了？快被淹S，你让不让我来啦

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-01-21 21:45:07 Post subject:

悠子 wrote:

诗盗喜裸评 wrote:

请您放开心胸接受我犹如滔滔江水般的崇拜！

洼，这不成灌水诗社了？快被淹S，你让不让我来啦

来啊！咋不来？总要有些因素好让你载浮载沉，不晕一会儿多没意思！
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

佳忆
童生

Joined: 14 Jan 2008
Posts: 96

佳忆Collection

Posted: 2008-01-21 22:53:22 Post subject:

嗯..语言很美~~ 问好悠子... _________________ 我只说三句话,加上上面的一句,我的话说完了

悠子
举人

Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection

Posted: 2008-01-22 09:12:10 Post subject:

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:

来啊！咋不来？总要有些因素好让你载浮载沉，不晕一会儿多没意思！

嗯，让人晕的因素。。。那你今天接着吃(因)素？

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-01-22 09:22:34 Post subject:

悠子 wrote:

诗盗喜裸评 wrote:

来啊！咋不来？总要有些因素好让你载浮载沉，不晕一会儿多没意思！

嗯，让人晕的因素。。。那你今天接着吃(因)素？

不好笑！
其实我反对吃素，尤其是做成动物形状的素食。再以这几天的绩效看来，我
只能喝西北风了！

（袅袅渗出些，褶皱的记忆）这里不逗点是不是好些？
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

悠子
举人

Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection

Posted: 2008-01-22 10:03:48 Post subject:

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:

不好笑！
其实我反对吃素，尤其是做成动物形状的素食。再以这几天的绩效看来，我
...

8好~ 因为渗出的又是余香，又是记忆 Wink

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2008-01-22 10:16:26 Post subject:

悠子 wrote:

诗盗喜裸评 wrote:

不好笑！
其实我反对吃素，尤其是做成动物形状的素食。再以这几天的绩效看来，我
...

8好~ 因为渗出的又是余香，又是记忆 Wink

哈！最喜欢反对意见了。真怕你又来个：恩，我想想，改改去！

为什么我说：不逗点是不是好些？因为从音律上（读）可能不只是逗与不逗
的差别。
有逗读法：

黑暗里久藏的余香
袅袅渗出些，褶皱的记忆
一切似梦，似醉，似醒

不逗读法：

黑暗里久藏的余香
袅袅渗出些褶皱的记忆
一切似梦，似醉，似醒

A读法：

黑暗里久藏的余香，袅袅渗出些
褶皱的记忆，一切似梦
似醉，似醒

B读法：

黑暗里久藏的余香袅袅
渗出些，褶皱的记忆
一切似梦，似醉，似醒

重点在前两句的顺畅度，你觉得？
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

悠子
举人

Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection

Posted: 2008-01-22 10:35:52 Post subject:

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:

哈！最喜欢反对意见了。真怕你又来个：恩，我想想，改改去！ ...

你的AB读法好像都是有逗读法。我读：
黑暗里久藏的余香，袅袅
渗出些，褶皱的记忆
一切似梦，似醉，似醒

我晕.

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