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五律 暗香梅
qinghongh
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Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

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PostPosted: 2008-01-09 12:45:28    Post subject: 五律 暗香梅 Reply with quote
五律 暗香梅

幽谷暗香卉，诗裁画里栽。
无心逐世染，有志傲霜开。
瑞雪伴轻舞，寒冰砌玉台。
香魂春隐去，余韵久徘徊。
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晓松
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Joined: 26 Feb 2007
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PostPosted: 2008-01-09 14:02:19    Post subject: Re: 五律 暗香梅 Reply with quote
[quote="qinghongh"]五律 暗香梅

世有暗香卉，诗裁画里栽。
花开一尺艳，风慕四方来。
瑞雪伴其舞，寒冰砌为台。
香魂春隐去，余韵久徘徊。[/quote]



香魂春隐去，余韵久徘徊。
——暗香，如沁。
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qinghongh
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Joined: 14 Oct 2007
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PostPosted: 2008-01-09 14:48:35    Post subject: Reply with quote
晓松：谢赏读。问好。5，6句有所改动。
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白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
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PostPosted: 2008-01-09 14:58:15    Post subject: Reply with quote
余韵袅袅
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
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Location: 多伦多,加拿大
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PostPosted: 2008-01-11 03:59:05    Post subject: Reply with quote
五六句经改动,对仗就很工稳了,
第二联尚可再推敲一下.问好.
欣赏尾联.
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喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰
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qinghongh
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PostPosted: 2008-01-11 10:13:37    Post subject: Reply with quote
谢谢白水兄及黄老师点评！根据黄老师建议，修改如上。
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秋叶
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Joined: 17 Feb 2007
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PostPosted: 2008-01-12 08:26:29    Post subject: Re: 五律 暗香梅 Reply with quote
诗裁画里栽。
好句！

无心逐世染，有志傲霜开。
也喜欢 Laughing
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: 2008-01-12 11:40:40    Post subject: Reply with quote
庆宏锤字炼句精益求精,学习.
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喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰
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qinghongh
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PostPosted: 2008-01-13 09:48:01    Post subject: Re: 五律 暗香梅 Reply with quote
秋叶 wrote:
诗裁画里栽。
好句！

无心逐世染，有志傲霜开。
也喜欢 Laughing


谢秋叶兄欣赏！多指教。
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qinghongh
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PostPosted: 2008-01-13 09:48:44    Post subject: Reply with quote
黄洋界 wrote:
庆宏锤字炼句精益求精,学习.

谢黄老师指教和鼓励！
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