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鹤洲太平溪咏
老山
秀才


Joined: 05 May 2007
Posts: 319

老山Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-10 19:35:34    Post subject: 鹤洲太平溪咏 Reply with quote

鹤洲太平溪咏


一曲清溪亮锦屏,
千年乳泽得钟灵。
滩头白鹭双垂影,
水面沙鸥两合鸣。
丝柳随风长袖舞,
高崖漱水七弦琴。
欲将留咏辞斜照,
忽听渔歌归棹声。
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游向高原的鱼
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Joined: 20 May 2007
Posts: 382

游向高原的鱼Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-11 00:50:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

吟改一下如何?因为我觉得一个咏就够了比如换成留。如果换一下意蕴更丰富。
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莹雪
进士出身


Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-11 13:29:06    Post subject: Reply with quote

换作“诗咏”如何?
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老山
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Joined: 05 May 2007
Posts: 319

老山Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-11 17:30:10    Post subject: Reply with quote

游向高原的鱼及莹雪的意见很好,"留咏" "诗咏"都比"吟咏"洽当.谢谢!

此外,原第六句的"青崖过水"未达意,现已改为"高崖漱水".
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