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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

鹤洲太平溪咏

老山
秀才

Joined: 05 May 2007
Posts: 319

老山Collection

Posted: 2008-01-10 19:35:34 Post subject: 鹤洲太平溪咏

鹤洲太平溪咏一曲清溪亮锦屏, 千年乳泽得钟灵。滩头白鹭双垂影，水面沙鸥两合鸣。丝柳随风长袖舞，高崖漱水七弦琴。欲将留咏辞斜照，忽听渔歌归棹声。

游向高原的鱼
秀才

Joined: 20 May 2007
Posts: 382

游向高原的鱼Collection

Posted: 2008-01-11 00:50:15 Post subject:

吟改一下如何？因为我觉得一个咏就够了比如换成留。如果换一下意蕴更丰富。 _________________ 人生乃是一面镜子，在其中认识自己。

莹雪
进士出身

Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection

Posted: 2008-01-11 13:29:06 Post subject:

换作“诗咏”如何？

老山
秀才

Joined: 05 May 2007
Posts: 319

老山Collection

Posted: 2008-01-11 17:30:10 Post subject:

游向高原的鱼及莹雪的意见很好,"留咏" "诗咏"都比"吟咏"洽当.谢谢! 此外,原第六句的"青崖过水"未达意,现已改为"高崖漱水".

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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

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