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<隐>
白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-21 14:06:03    Post subject: <隐> Reply with quote

<隐>

大凡圣洁的
定隐于野
的幽静
你却婷婷
玉立市政广场, 任
一千双, 一万双眼睛
和艺人的冰刀
舔噬
你的隐密

唯有那株老树
用它干枯的, 甚至
连片叶子都握不住的手指
摘下大朵的雪花 是想
为你缝制一件白衣么?

其实何苦? 温柔如果逝去, 纯净
如果逝去 要去的
由它, 由风
雕刻一尊神或者撒旦
堂尔皇之的 隐
于霓虹
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kokho
进士出身


Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
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PostPosted: 2006-12-21 14:19:09    Post subject: Reply with quote

月光 开始 向哲思 进发!!!


很好的尝试。。。

Cool Very Happy
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乒乓、摄影、诗歌
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和平岛
举人


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-21 19:26:50    Post subject: Reply with quote

很有感想的

雕刻一尊神或者撒旦

Very Happy
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写诗是为了写更好的诗
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-21 20:45:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

呵呵,学习~
要一直在大家的背后跑了~ Very Happy
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司马策风
举人


Joined: 03 Dec 2006
Posts: 1211
Location: 温哥华
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PostPosted: 2006-12-21 22:42:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

大隐隐于朝,中隐隐于市,小隐隐于野。这是常人口语。

月光这是在用诗歌语言来表现,而且很有味。
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《北美枫》司马策风文集

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白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-22 17:07:50    Post subject: Reply with quote

kokho wrote:
月光 开始 向哲思 进发!!!


很好的尝试。。。

Cool Very Happy


谢谢KOK的鼓励. MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY NEW YEAR Very Happy
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白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-22 17:11:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

和平岛 wrote:
很有感想的

雕刻一尊神或者撒旦

Very Happy


岛斑看来只喜欢撒旦. 注意把潘多拉的盒子盖好. Wink

MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY NEW YEAR
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白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
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PostPosted: 2006-12-22 17:13:13    Post subject: Reply with quote

半溪明月 wrote:
呵呵,学习~
要一直在大家的背后跑了~ Very Happy


喜欢你的诗歌中浓郁的生活气息.
圣诞快乐 Very Happy
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-22 17:17:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

司马策风 wrote:
大隐隐于朝,中隐隐于市,小隐隐于野。这是常人口语。

月光这是在用诗歌语言来表现,而且很有味。


谢谢理解.近日和一高人长谈有悟: 还有另一隐, 无色的透明的冰却在城市的缤纷中闪烁......为这大, 中, 小隐加了一条小尾巴 Razz

MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY NEW YEAR.
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杯中冲浪
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Joined: 29 Sep 2006
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PostPosted: 2006-12-23 03:20:42    Post subject: Reply with quote

很喜欢。“大凡圣洁的
定隐于野
的幽静
你却婷婷 ”
“的幽静”去掉,更好。更开阔,并能给人思考的空白。
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白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
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PostPosted: 2006-12-23 06:57:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

北方狼 wrote:
很喜欢。“大凡圣洁的
定隐于野
的幽静
你却婷婷 ”
“的幽静”去掉,更好。更开阔,并能给人思考的空白。


好眼力! 不愧国语老师. 同感, 这三个字恰好是我"去"与"留"的犹豫. 后来之所以留是从全诗考虑给后面的"隐 于霓虹"留一个反差. 谢谢你的建议. 盼能听到更多的意见.

祝圣诞快乐.
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白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
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PostPosted: 2006-12-23 07:39:42    Post subject: 喜欢博弈的译文, 一并转贴到此 Reply with quote

博弈 写到:
did a quick reading interpretation
not direct translation, happy holidays. will be gone for 2 weeks

Concealed

Grace, there you are,
definitely pure and sacred;
at civic square, one thought secreted.
Cascading laid eyes,
artistic carving knives, prying
for your concealed privacy.

Is it? The aged tree, if no one else,
with his shriveled--not to mention
to grip a leaf--wrist and fingers,
grabs a cloth of snow
to knit you a white dress.

Then again why bother?
Let tenderness go, pureness
vanish as they wish if only
they wish, let winds
engrave God’s name, or Satan’s
magnificently open
into neon in the air.
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维鹿延
秀才


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
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Location: 中国广东
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PostPosted: 2006-12-25 08:57:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

隐于市,隐于野,感慨啊。
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白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
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PostPosted: 2006-12-25 14:11:30    Post subject: Reply with quote

维鹿延 wrote:
隐于市,隐于野,感慨啊。

谢谢你, 节日愉快
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迪拜
同进士出身


Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

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PostPosted: 2006-12-25 16:59:11    Post subject: 有哲理性 Reply with quote

有哲理性
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白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
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PostPosted: 2006-12-25 19:14:41    Post subject: Re: 有哲理性 Reply with quote

迪拜 wrote:
有哲理性


问好迪拜, 圣诞快乐.
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鹤雨
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 113
Location: 上海
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PostPosted: 2006-12-26 01:18:13    Post subject: Reply with quote

其实何苦? 温柔如果逝去, 纯净
如果逝去 要去的
由它, 由风

喜欢这段,一种超然的气魄,好女子心胸!
一首精短的小诗,竟也能让读者各有所得所悟!

学习了!温柔,纯净,洒脱的月光!握手!
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-26 07:40:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢鹤雨.
问好新年, 远握.
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