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你翻找着优点，我先挖出缺点。
詩盜喜裸評
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Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
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PostPosted: 2008-01-10 05:40:04    Post subject: 你翻找着优点，我先挖出缺点。 Reply with quote

偷懒
因为所有的文字都偷懒
我必须盯着它们看
紧紧的钉牢
防着它们偷懒

作品一首一首堆积如山
这一山漫过那一山
还要跋涉千里之外
国外也有山！天哪
我的文字！是要往里钻？还是往外钻
谁能给我一个答案
在这文字堆里
怎还能学着偷懒

偷懒！我必须盯着你们看

2008/1/11那天0240
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韩少君
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PostPosted: 2008-01-10 12:32:14    Post subject: Reply with quote
很喜欢您的评论,中肯 实际.不泛泛吹捧,也不严厉苛责.继续.问好!
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-10 13:02:02    Post subject: Reply with quote
韩少君 wrote:
很喜欢您的评论,中肯 实际.不泛泛吹捧,也不严厉苛责.继续.问好!


真哪！我自己也得中肯一下，一切見仁見智，我只是選擇另一個角度讀作品。
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白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
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PostPosted: 2008-01-10 13:27:19    Post subject: Reply with quote
hi, 十八大盗, 看着偷懒的, 多浇水, 别让花枯了 Razz
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-10 13:44:48    Post subject: Reply with quote
白水 Moonlight wrote:
hi, 十八大盗, 看着偷懒的, 多浇水, 别让花枯了 Razz


我剛剛學了博弈一首，去看看？
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白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
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PostPosted: 2008-01-10 14:12:48    Post subject: Reply with quote
詩盜喜裸評 wrote:
白水 Moonlight wrote:
hi, 十八大盗, 看着偷懒的, 多浇水, 别让花枯了 Razz


我剛剛學了博弈一首，去看看？


嗯. 昨天尽和你搞笑了, 答应别人要写的东西没动笔 Embarassed
罚你除你自己灌水外,帮我灌三天, 每天20帖, 共60, 不包括你自己的 Razz
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-10 14:15:41    Post subject: Reply with quote
白水 Moonlight wrote:
詩盜喜裸評 wrote:
白水 Moonlight wrote:
hi, 十八大盗, 看着偷懒的, 多浇水, 别让花枯了 Razz


我剛剛學了博弈一首，去看看？


嗯. 昨天尽和你搞笑了, 答应别人要写的东西没动笔 Embarassed
...


成！沒問題，再奉送5％！只要你批評兩句！
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白水
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PostPosted: 2008-01-10 14:31:54    Post subject: Reply with quote
好吧, 严格说你这首诗歌还行
1, 符合官方诗歌押韵要求
2, 用词新颖, 就是说不落俗套
3, 思路清晰, 立意也不错
4, 就是, 嗯, 就是,就是,就是,就是,就是,哈, 我怕得罪人 Embarassed

悄悄说吧, 就是觉得没诗味 Razz

不行, 我还是跑吧............ Wink

别忘了, 60+60X0.05
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-10 14:34:10    Post subject: Reply with quote
白水 Moonlight wrote:
好吧, 严格说你这手诗歌还行
...


哎喲！不是這首，是學著博弈那首。這首明志而已，害你說一堆，真不值！哈哈
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-10 14:38:43    Post subject: Reply with quote
白水 Moonlight wrote:
好吧, 严格说你这手诗歌还行
...


批評不難是吧，123不用，直接說出你的感覺，直覺！我需要的就是這個，至於其他其實不太重要。

再編輯：哈～你故意用手為單位！這裡的不算哪，聲明！
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白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
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PostPosted: 2008-01-10 14:39:06    Post subject: Reply with quote
詩盜喜裸評 wrote:
白水 Moonlight wrote:
好吧, 严格说你这手诗歌还行
...


哎喲！不是這首，是學著博弈那首。這首明志而已，害你說一堆，真不值！哈哈


干嘛, 只能批博士, 不能批你, 不行, 不平等. 记着, 63个帖, 还得注明帮白水灌的.谢谢. 我下了, 要不今晚又干不成事 Very Happy
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-10 14:43:10    Post subject: Reply with quote
白水 Moonlight wrote:
诗盗喜裸评 wrote:
白水 Moonlight wrote:
好吧, 严格说你这手诗歌还行
...


哎哟！不是这首，是学着博弈那首。这首明志而已，害你说一堆，真不值！哈哈


干嘛, 只能批博士, 不能批你, 不行, 不平等. 记着, 63个帖, 还得注明帮白水灌的.谢谢. 我下了, 要不今晚又干不成事 Very Happy


批呀！都说说。忙去先没关系，我信任你有空会批。
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Lake
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Joined: 09 Jan 2007
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PostPosted: 2008-01-10 14:53:49    Post subject: Reply with quote
这首易懂 - 落尘诗社版主工作职责。 对我来说，读懂一首诗真的很不容易，所以应该谢谢。

问一个小问题：题目是什么？

“你翻找着优点，我先挖出缺点。” 是这个吗？ 第一次看见标题有句号。

“偷懒 ”，是这个吗？ 那应该和正文隔开。
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詩盜喜裸評
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Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-10 14:58:07    Post subject: Reply with quote
Lake wrote:
这首易懂 - 落尘诗社版主工作职责。 对我来说，读懂一首诗真的很不容易，所以应该谢谢。
...

完了！你說的正擺明著我偷懶，我對不起文字。我重新修改看看，謝謝指導！

再編輯：改好了，有空去看看！

http://oson.ca/viewtopic.php?t=10649&s=28&sid=822f578f4ba627d47a468189b7ce41ca[/quote]
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上城
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PostPosted: 2008-02-22 21:22:38    Post subject: Reply with quote
詩盜喜裸評 wrote:
白水 Moonlight wrote:
好吧, 严格说你这手诗歌还行
...


批評不難是吧，123不用，直接說出你的感覺，直覺！我需要的就是這個，至於其他其實不太重要。
...


直觉。盯紧看，容易得近视 Very Happy
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每个诗人都很重要
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-22 22:02:13    Post subject: Reply with quote
伤城 wrote:
诗盗喜裸评 wrote:
白水 Moonlight wrote:
好吧, 严格说你这手诗歌还行
...


批评不难是吧，123不用，直接说出你的感觉，直觉！我需要的就是这个，至于其他其实不太重要。
...


直觉。盯紧看，容易得近视 Very Happy


古有云云：不近视不进士！
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