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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

我不知明天我还在不在

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2007-12-21 22:39:01 Post subject: 我不知明天我还在不在

我不知明天我还在不在我不知明天我还在不在我知道，明天太阳依旧走出来明天的花照常开亲人啊，我不知你们如何悲哀不知如何流着泪整理我冷僵的肉体然后，把我留在家中脚印拖了再拖将水泥地板冲洗干净明天不知有没有朋友打电话来不知你们会不会回头翻一眼我的文字然后在呷茶的当间喟一声：唉我不知明天我还在不在我知道，明天太阳依旧走出来明天的花照常开 2007-12-21 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-12-21 22:48:04 Post subject:

冲浪,严格说, 这首诗歌不是你的水平圣诞节愉快

子花
秀才

Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection

Posted: 2007-12-22 00:46:57 Post subject:

圣诞节愉快！！

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-12-22 03:43:36 Post subject:

要不要我给你打电话？圣诞快乐！

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2007-12-22 04:04:44 Post subject:

然后，把我留在家中脚印拖了再拖。。。很悲哀。 ============= 倒过来就好了我不知明天太阳是否走出来明天的花是否照常开我知道，明天我还在 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2007-12-22 04:45:22 Post subject:

我本来预想你们泪水涟涟的。算了吧，我还是采用nobody的结尾。看来能赚到别人的眼泪是很难的。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2007-12-22 04:49:32 Post subject:

改了以后，有一种不伦不类的感觉。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2007-12-22 04:53:33 Post subject:

杯中冲浪 wrote:

改了以后，有一种不伦不类的感觉。 Sad

谁让你真改了，只是开玩笑。
其实原作还是挺悲哀的。特别是中间两段。
至少我看的时候没笑。
可能是大家觉得你不适合如此悲哀，故不可信。
_________________
I'm nobody! Who are you?

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2007-12-22 05:22:49 Post subject:

主要是你的那几句很不错，不过，我还是重新回归了。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-12-22 08:30:38 Post subject:

杯中冲浪 wrote:

我本来预想你们泪水涟涟的。算了吧，我还是采用nobody的结尾。看来能赚到别人的眼泪是很难的。

你真想要? THAT IS EASY Wink

莞君
秀才

Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 561
Location: 中国陕西
莞君Collection

Posted: 2007-12-26 10:36:30 Post subject:

提上欣赏了不错问好 _________________ 莞君

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