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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

铁

阿依琼裙
秀才

Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
阿依琼裙Collection

Posted: 2007-12-09 04:34:47 Post subject: 铁

铁如果要沉重不妨成铁谎言浮华夜幕下的霓虹灯悬起在生活的表面之上时间侵蚀的手在锈迹斑斑的纹理中呻吟淬火打磨锻造升华来自千锤百炼原始的铁透着金属的味道干枯血腥的味道要剔去刺楞楞的粗砺纯铁泛着冷静的光汗滴静默思想存在要么比黑暗更黑要么闪亮铁沉重的质量在水之下质变的颜色斑斓 _________________ 踏过废墟,走来 http://blog.sina.com.cn/m/weiyurong

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-12-09 05:33:45 Post subject:

有铁的重量和质感的一首，锤炼的不错，久不见，问好阿琼～

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-12-09 08:32:31 Post subject:

阿依, 内涵感觉不错, 如果再柔和点会更完美些. 己见, 问好.

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2007-12-09 12:53:28 Post subject:

要么闪亮铁沉重的质量在水之下质变的颜色斑斓《》看到一幅现代画　　：）。。 _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2007-12-09 17:43:30 Post subject:

“主观陈述太多了” 现代诗歌，最看重的是“客观表述” 问好

上城
进士出身

Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection

Posted: 2007-12-10 06:16:25 Post subject:

好诗。比铁更冷，比铁更热么。我愿成铁。银白色的纯铁 _________________ 每个诗人都很重要

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-12-11 01:06:35 Post subject:

很好。欣赏。有质感。问候你。好久不见，出国了吗？ _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2007-12-11 14:48:39 Post subject:

阿依，这诗语言有质感，结构也很有创意的。问好！

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2007-12-11 15:04:46 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

阿依, 内涵感觉不错, 如果再柔和点会更完美些. 己见, 问好.

呵呵，白水，我倒觉得那是个人的语言风格！叫我写东西别太柔和了，我还做不到呢！

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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