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<你身体的一个空间, 我准备停留>
迪拜
同进士出身


Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-07 23:23:32    Post subject: <你身体的一个空间, 我准备停留> Reply with quote

你身体的一个空间
我准备停留

我已经吻过你的头发
每一根刚毅的味道
我都会铭记

我触摸了你的眼睛, 你的
鼻梁, 你的耳朵, 你的嘴唇
在你入睡的时候, 一寸一寸的
呼吸, 我已经做了笔记

我仔细地看了你的喉结
拿着镜子, 和我的做着比较
虽然不是复制品, 我觉得
却是如此的找不出差别
我抚摸着自己的喉结, 在你的喉结上
留下我爱的印记

你的胸口, 你的腹部
坚挺的起伏
柔软的凹陷
我无法抑制地轻轻吻着
在你小小的肚脐上
我用牙齿撕咬着茸须
分辨着我们爱的年轮

我吻过你的小腿
用爱的唇液掠过你的脚
你小腿的汗毛, 在我的唇边
回赠爱的感应, 你笔直而修长的脚趾
我正在多看一眼

我轻轻脱下你的三角内裤
两腿之间
你身体的一个空间
我准备停留
我的嘴唇已经准备不再安静
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-09 19:38:16    Post subject: Reply with quote

很好的一首别致的诗歌,感情浓烈,含蓄不足。
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杯中冲浪.披履而行
http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006
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维鹿延
秀才


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 212
Location: 中国广东
维鹿延Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-10 09:33:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

性爱止于肉体,如能止于心,止于诚,可能会好过目前。
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散步者身体里面的声音
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维鹿延
秀才


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 212
Location: 中国广东
维鹿延Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-10 09:35:44    Post subject: Reply with quote

性爱止于肉体,如能止于心,止于灵,可能会好过目前。
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散步者身体里面的声音
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迪拜
同进士出身


Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-10 17:00:37    Post subject: 你提的问题可能是华语文学的传统吧 Reply with quote

维鹿延先生:

你提的问题可能是华语文学的传统吧,

所谓的"忌讳性",不提倡"张扬"

但是,并不是"谈到性,都是丑恶的",

难道,"性,不美丽吗?起码,没有人缺少得了它,"

~~

我想可以尝试.
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左岸
秀才


Joined: 12 Oct 2006
Posts: 215
Location: 中国大连
左岸Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-10 20:54:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

被迪拜生动、自上而下的描述打动,欲望,支撑未来。
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黑暗怎样焊住灵魂的银河
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孙慧峰
童生


Joined: 09 Oct 2006
Posts: 97

孙慧峰Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-11 06:00:31    Post subject: 很喜欢! Reply with quote

这样坦荡而真实的描述自有一种本色~
赞赏~尤其这勇气和严肃
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迪拜
同进士出身


Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-11 23:38:55    Post subject: 谢谢 Reply with quote

谢谢每一位点评者,

不管是什么题材,

我的心灵是纯净的.
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kokho
进士出身


Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection
PostPosted: 2006-12-12 02:27:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

哗 不敢说 。。


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乒乓、摄影、诗歌
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亘古清露儿
童生


Joined: 12 Oct 2006
Posts: 56

亘古清露儿Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-13 17:40:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

第一次楼主的文字

文字的过程很美,嘻嘻~~~~~

问好大家.
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kokho
进士出身


Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection
PostPosted: 2006-12-13 20:12:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

静冰 wrote:
第一次楼主的文字

文字的过程很美,嘻嘻~~~~~

问好大家.


才女都称赞了,楼主好福气!


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乒乓、摄影、诗歌
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左岸
秀才


Joined: 12 Oct 2006
Posts: 215
Location: 中国大连
左岸Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-14 14:23:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

再读写作技巧的适度把握。叙述角度营造了意象,便有了诗美,这种诗美的生成,它是感性的,是客观对象被作者人性、性爱审美化了的高层次的情感涌现。
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黑暗怎样焊住灵魂的银河
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墨染红颜
童生


Joined: 08 Oct 2006
Posts: 69

墨染红颜Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-14 18:39:58    Post subject: Reply with quote

那白暂的手曾经抹着蜜
放在我的嘴里,带着鲜奶般的诺言
被冷藏在冰箱里
香水从沙发后面跳出来
掀开粉红色的蕾丝唱着战歌
看我滑稽的紧抿双唇
他没有抬头也没有看我......
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风花飞有态,烟絮坠无痕。
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2006-12-14 20:42:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

墨染红颜 wrote:
那白暂的手曾经抹着蜜
放在我的嘴里,带着鲜奶般的诺言
被冷藏在冰箱里
香水从沙发后面跳出来
掀开粉红色的蕾丝唱着战歌
看我滑稽的紧抿双唇
他没有抬头也没有看我......


这段更美~
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