暗香如沁
秀才
Joined: 14 Jan 2007
Posts: 885
Location: 北京
暗香如沁Collection |
 Posted: 2007-12-02 11:01:28 Post subject: 七律．咏梅 |
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溪流照影守寒门，岂羡繁华累玉盆？
非是清高充傲骨，只因寂寞散香魂。
不经数劫难成气，巧渡三生可落痕。
借得一方天做剑，闲邀雪舞唱晨昏。
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http://blog.sina.com.cn/axrq用寂寞谱写最美的舞曲~ |
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晓松
举人
Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192
晓松Collection |
| Posted: 2007-12-02 16:43:33 Post subject: |
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不经数劫难成气，巧渡三生可落痕。不错!
商榷:1.梅花开季可有"溪流照影"?
2."借得一方天做剑'为何提到剑?而且"天做剑",似有些牵强,不知当否?请酌~ |
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暗香如沁
秀才
Joined: 14 Jan 2007
Posts: 885
Location: 北京
暗香如沁Collection |
| Posted: 2007-12-03 05:43:35 Post subject: |
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| 晓松 wrote: |
不经数劫难成气，巧渡三生可落痕。不错!
商榷:1.梅花开季可有"溪流照影"?
2."借得一方天做剑'为何提到剑?而且"天做剑",似有些牵强,不知当否?请酌~ |
这个上牵强了些．嘿．憋了半天
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http://blog.sina.com.cn/axrq用寂寞谱写最美的舞曲~ |
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黄洋界
探花
Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection |
| Posted: 2007-12-03 08:40:17 Post subject: |
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第二联别出心裁,好!
第五句"难成气"的"气"字,换成"器"字似乎更妥,供参考.
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喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰 |
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暗香如沁
秀才
Joined: 14 Jan 2007
Posts: 885
Location: 北京
暗香如沁Collection |
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