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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

黑夜打此路过

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nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2007-11-18 19:55:11 Post subject:

把黑夜写活了，哈哈。好。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-11-21 23:59:27 Post subject:

谢谢nobody先生赏读-----问好！ _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2007-11-22 03:59:59 Post subject:

还可以在修改，比如断句。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2007-11-23 04:00:10 Post subject:

本想不附和赞美的，却的确是好诗： 1、有思想深度 2、表达有新意 3、情感内敛而浓郁 _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-11-26 15:58:38 Post subject:

谨向杯中冲浪，William Zhou周道模的关注表示谢意。有再改的想法。应该再改。 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

莞君
秀才

Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 561
Location: 中国陕西
莞君Collection

Posted: 2007-11-27 07:54:37 Post subject:

再赏好诗学习了问好先生 _________________ 莞君

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-11-27 16:14:56 Post subject:

_________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-11-27 16:25:29 Post subject:

哈, 这张照片象个大学者了. 原来那张拿竹竿的呢? 前一向我还写了首诗歌呢? ZT过来, 要是认为不恭悄悄告诉我, 我赶紧删了 <韩少君> 少君, 东北人让我想到少帅 9.18 枪声虽然我只见过一张照片照片上的他拿一根连狗都打不死的竹棍我却无缘由的相信如果母亲需要血他一定是那个卷起衣袖的人

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2007-11-27 16:36:36 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

哈, 这张照片象个大学者了.
原来那张拿竹竿的呢?

竹竿藏桌子底下呢。

是十七大新选的常委！

穿这么好的衣服。我都8年没穿过衣服，woops, 西服，打过领带了。
_________________
I'm nobody! Who are you?

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-11-27 16:56:29 Post subject:

nobody wrote:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

哈, 这张照片象个大学者了.
原来那张拿竹竿的呢?

竹竿藏桌子底下呢。

是十七大新选的常委！

穿这么好的衣服。我都8年没穿过衣服，woops, 西服，打过领带了。

NOBODY,8年没穿过衣服是什么概念?恐怕一天都不行~ Very Happy

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2007-11-27 17:06:42 Post subject:

刚开始打错了，不是改了吗，想说西服。。。哈哈。再风流，也得防寒流呀！ _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-11-27 19:08:21 Post subject:

问好各位。“尊容”欠佳。留个印象而已。白水过奖了。谢谢！ _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

君子爱莲
童生

Joined: 10 Feb 2007
Posts: 88
Location: 中国重庆
君子爱莲Collection

Posted: 2007-11-27 19:26:47 Post subject:

黑夜在记忆的深巷路过,学习并问好!

彭世学
秀才

Joined: 24 Jun 2007
Posts: 187
Location: 中国
彭世学Collection

Posted: 2007-11-29 06:40:24 Post subject:

再赏好诗！问好！！ _________________ 认为诗是悬崖上的孤松，栖鸟是她唯一的养料我的博客： http://blog.sina.com.cn/pengshixue 《网文荟萃》报：http://bbs.wangwenw.com/index.asp

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2007-11-29 18:20:16 Post subject:

我曾经改过，又删除了，现在，重新发出来，仅供参考。《黑夜打此路过》黑夜最先撮在墙角里一个农民蹲坐的姿势被纸烟照了一下黑夜卷曲在梳子上一把粗糙的梨木的旧梳子黑夜贴在陈六儿的颧骨下边陈六儿是在我家寄宿的孤儿也是我最小的舅舅母亲试图把灯拨亮点儿让小舅的眼圈少一点黑灯灭了母亲好象骂了她男人一句又没油了鸡叫的时候有位妇女肯定在井沿打水黑夜,蹑手蹑脚地进村惊慌失措地逃了

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-11-29 22:42:47 Post subject:

赞同！说实话原稿基本这样，后来我画蛇添足又加了点。确实多余。谢谢，果然“英雄所见略同” _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2007-11-29 22:54:10 Post subject:

能接受少君的气魄也是非凡的我还在打鼓是不是又要被人家说成“多管闲事”，所以，第一次，删除了想了又想不忍心，浪费“一首不错的诗歌”。谢谢！

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-12-03 00:53:15 Post subject:

只有谢意，没有抱怨。就怕没人搭理啊！致谢！ _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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