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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

雪和什么一起下

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-11-30 21:57:56 Post subject: 雪和什么一起下

雪和什么一起下雪和梅花一起下雪和蝴蝶一起下雪和芬芳的想象一起下妈妈不喜欢雪花也不喜欢诗歌和童话妈妈需要过冬的钱钱能把炉子烧得通红哪怕烫伤我烤火的指甲雪是冻死的蝴蝶雪是失色的梅花深蓝的夜空，无处藏身的月亮又冷又大雪和童话一起下雪和诗歌一起下妈妈不需要这些把它们扔进不识字的炉膛了 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-11-30 22:45:51 Post subject:

妈妈不需要这些把它们扔进不识字的炉膛了老百姓需要的是实在的生活～深刻！

杨海军
进士出身

Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection

Posted: 2007-12-01 00:22:32 Post subject:

雪和文件一起下雪和法律条文一起下雪和诗歌一起下妈妈不需要这些把它们扔进不识字的炉膛了喜欢！！！ _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

闽北阿秀
秀才

Joined: 20 Mar 2007
Posts: 126

闽北阿秀Collection

Posted: 2007-12-01 03:12:23 Post subject:

贴近生活，关注百姓

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-12-01 08:39:55 Post subject:

很好的着墨点.但以你的水准, 似应再增加诗歌的美感. 己见, 不妥见谅

莞君
秀才

Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 561
Location: 中国陕西
莞君Collection

Posted: 2007-12-01 09:45:55 Post subject:

雪和什么一起下雪和梅花一起下雪和蝴蝶一起下雪和芬芳的想象一起下妈妈不喜欢雪花也不喜欢诗歌和童话妈妈需要过冬的钱就像老板需要地皮和地价钱能把炉子烧得通红哪怕烫伤我烤火的指甲死亡的蝴蝶遍地梅花覆盖棚户区在大厦的脚下深蓝的夜空，无处藏身的月亮又冷又大雪和文件一起下雪和法律条文一起下雪和诗歌一起下妈妈不需要这些把它们扔进不识字的炉膛了一首纯熟的诗歌后面处理沉稳细节中潜藏大的力量莞君问好先生学习了 _________________ 莞君

子花
秀才

Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection

Posted: 2007-12-01 11:17:07 Post subject:

死亡的蝴蝶遍地梅花覆盖棚户区在大厦的脚下深蓝的夜空，无处藏身的月亮又冷又大这节很生硬地就插进来了！子花浅见！！少君诗人近来可好？！

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-12-02 01:00:51 Post subject:

多谢各位。参考大家的意见，作了修改。另谢迪拜，信已收到，言之有理。 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2007-12-02 07:55:37 Post subject:

真实的生活，就是如此。我们这里昨天也雪了，现在从窗户里可以看到铲雪车在工作。。。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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