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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

[题诗]和平岛

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白琳
童生

Joined: 29 May 2007
Posts: 75

白琳Collection

Posted: 2007-11-23 17:07:42 Post subject: [题诗]和平岛

和平岛只见鸟不见山硝烟在鸟声之外翅膀是幸福的

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-11-23 17:59:23 Post subject:

应该反过来: 翅膀是红烧的鸟声在硝烟之上只见山不见鸟

白琳
童生

Joined: 29 May 2007
Posts: 75

白琳Collection

Posted: 2007-11-23 21:32:46 Post subject:

哈哈!反的好,妙哉!题名"战争"诗意也反过来了. 战争翅膀是红烧的鸟声在硝烟之上只见山不见鸟

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-11-23 21:45:44 Post subject:

改名广岛吧 <广岛> 翅膀是红烧的鸟声在硝烟之上只见山不见鸟

白琳
童生

Joined: 29 May 2007
Posts: 75

白琳Collection

Posted: 2007-11-23 21:57:21 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

改名广岛吧

<广岛>

翅膀
是红烧的

鸟声
在硝烟之上

只见山
不见鸟

广岛是怎么个地方?

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-11-23 22:00:07 Post subject:

http://news.qq.com/a/20041016/000085.htm

白琳
童生

Joined: 29 May 2007
Posts: 75

白琳Collection

Posted: 2007-11-23 22:22:29 Post subject:

谢!哦,是日本广岛.太残酷了

司马策风
举人

Joined: 03 Dec 2006
Posts: 1211
Location: 温哥华
司马策风Collection

Posted: 2007-11-23 22:34:12 Post subject:

看此诗,只有岛,不见和平,所以和平岛已经被锯断为两节.对吗? _________________ 《北美枫》司马策风文集 http://www.maplereview.org/best.php?t=8676

白琳
童生

Joined: 29 May 2007
Posts: 75

白琳Collection

Posted: 2007-11-23 22:50:53 Post subject:

司马策风 wrote:

看此诗,只有岛,不见和平,所以和平岛已经被锯断为两节.对吗?

感谢阅读,问好!这不只是赠诗,游戏诗歌.和平岛是个美好而令人向往的地方,诗里已充溢着和平.

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-11-23 23:25:29 Post subject:

白琳啊不是白淋是赤裸裸的白琳也不是红琳是血淋淋的白琳上面有一把军刀下面有一把军刀中间糊着一副膏药连皮都是白的啊白琳 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2007-11-23 23:37:53 Post subject:

hepingdao wrote:

应该反过来:

翅膀
是红烧的

鸟声
在硝烟之上

只见山
不见鸟
Laughing

跟着玩

烧红
是翅
膀的

硝烟
在鸟
声之上

山不见
只鸟见

（夷为平地）

好像有点牵强，凑合凑凑合 Laughing

_________________
（在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

莞君
秀才

Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 561
Location: 中国陕西
莞君Collection

Posted: 2007-11-24 01:53:32 Post subject:

提上去大家欣赏挺好的 _________________ 莞君

白琳
童生

Joined: 29 May 2007
Posts: 75

白琳Collection

Posted: 2007-11-24 04:54:22 Post subject:

hepingdao wrote:

白琳
啊
不是白淋
是赤裸裸的白琳
也不是红琳
是血淋淋的白琳

上面有一把军刀
下面有一把军刀
中间糊着一副膏药

连皮都是白的
啊
白琳

Laughing

哈哈,我上战场了

古井
秀才

Joined: 01 Jun 2007
Posts: 190

古井Collection

Posted: 2007-11-24 08:27:52 Post subject:

只见鸟不见山大朋，大鸟！

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-11-24 08:46:40 Post subject:

古井 wrote:

只见鸟
不见山

大朋，大鸟！ Razz

那叫什么来着, 座山"鹏" Shocked

和平岛
举人

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection

Posted: 2007-11-24 09:17:55 Post subject:

这个大鸟很可爱哦 _________________ 写诗是为了写更好的诗

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-11-24 10:33:52 Post subject:

zhe zhi geng ke ai kan yan jing yi shang pu fen , bi jia suo yi shu

杨海军
进士出身

Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection

Posted: 2007-11-24 15:58:35 Post subject:

白水用拼音了？呵呵 _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

白琳
童生

Joined: 29 May 2007
Posts: 75

白琳Collection

Posted: 2007-11-24 16:31:30 Post subject:

古井 wrote:

只见鸟
不见山

大朋，大鸟！ Razz

朋友说的对,是大鸟,也可以理解为鸟之多

白琳
童生

Joined: 29 May 2007
Posts: 75

白琳Collection

Posted: 2007-11-24 16:33:55 Post subject:

问好白水,图片太漂亮了.

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