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[原创]大寒
蓝郁
童生


Joined: 13 Nov 2007
Posts: 37

蓝郁Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-18 18:28:38    Post subject: [原创]大寒 Reply with quote
就这么看着
你一步步登上寒冷之巅
肃穆着一张脸，端坐山顶
端坐在 自己的八极万仞之中

放眼，四围是无边无际的辽远
风吹 寒石不动，老枝不动
甚至 鹰的翅膀 也不动
阳光垂直地落下来
你坐在 曾经日思夜想的
人生最高处
俯瞰往昔的自己一路狂奔
跌进热量散失 假意虚情的陷阱

几片固守的鸟羽 在寒风中
掀动 久违的温暖
你听到季节背面 春天的叫喊
哦，大寒，大寒！
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hepingdao
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Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-11-18 18:40:53    Post subject: Reply with quote
大寒被你写得这么激情
我也要喊
Very Happy
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蓝郁
童生


Joined: 13 Nov 2007
Posts: 37

蓝郁Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-18 18:43:19    Post subject: Reply with quote
hepingdao wrote:
大寒被你写得这么激情
我也要喊
Very Happy


呵呵，问好~
节气的大寒，冷到极至，也是高处吧？
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hepingdao
Site Admin


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-11-18 18:48:32    Post subject: Reply with quote
蓝郁 wrote:
hepingdao wrote:
大寒被你写得这么激情
我也要喊
Very Happy


呵呵，问好~
节气的大寒，冷到极至，也是高处吧？


我发誓
我刚才看到的
是大寨
Laughing
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蓝郁
童生


Joined: 13 Nov 2007
Posts: 37

蓝郁Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-18 18:54:03    Post subject: Reply with quote
[/quote]

我发誓
我刚才看到的
是大寨
Laughing[/quote]

我发誓我一开始发上的就是大寒。 Rolling Eyes
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hepingdao
Site Admin


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-11-18 18:56:14    Post subject: Reply with quote
蓝郁 wrote:

hepingdao wrote:

我发誓
我刚才看到的
是大寨
Laughing


我发誓我一开始发上的就是大寒。 Rolling Eyes


是呀
老人的眼睛都比较花
尤其是老男人
Laughing
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蓝郁
童生


Joined: 13 Nov 2007
Posts: 37

蓝郁Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-18 19:00:32    Post subject: Reply with quote
呵呵，看照片蛮年轻的。：）
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-18 19:13:26    Post subject: Reply with quote
你听到季节背面 春天的叫喊
哦，大寒，大寒！

哈, 不错, 冬来春不远 Very Happy
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hepingdao
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Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-11-18 19:21:26    Post subject: Reply with quote
应该说
春来发几枝哦
Very Happy
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kokho
进士出身


Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-11-20 09:49:21    Post subject: Reply with quote
。

好呀 ：） 很有灵气

就这么看着
一步步登上寒冷之巅
肃穆着一张脸，端坐山顶
端坐在 自己的八极万仞之中

放眼，四围是无边无际的辽远
风吹 寒石不动，老枝不动
甚至 鹰的翅膀 也不动
阳光垂直地落下来
坐在 曾经日思夜想的
人生最高处
俯瞰往昔的自己一路狂奔
跌进热量散失 假意虚情的陷阱

几片固守的鸟羽 在寒风中
掀动 久违的温暖
听到季节背面 春天的叫喊
哦，大寒，大寒！

《》 去掉了 “你” 总共3个。。 有什么不同吗？
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乒乓、摄影、诗歌
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Lake
举人


Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

LakeCollection
PostPosted: 2007-11-20 09:59:20    Post subject: Reply with quote
和平岛的“大寨” Laughing

Quote:
《》 去掉了 “你” 总共3个。。 有什么不同吗？


请问，能否再去掉一个“自己”？

俯瞰往昔的（自己）一路狂奔
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kokho
进士出身


Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-11-20 10:42:33    Post subject: Reply with quote
。

俯瞰往昔的一路狂奔

我认为　很好呢　：）

还是要尊重　原创者的意见。。。

。
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蓝郁
童生


Joined: 13 Nov 2007
Posts: 37

蓝郁Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-20 16:12:24    Post subject: Reply with quote
呵呵，一并谢过各位朋友的阅评，谁说是大寒，这么多朋友回复，简直是大暖嘛。
祝冬安！
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蓝郁
童生


Joined: 13 Nov 2007
Posts: 37

蓝郁Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-20 16:14:40    Post subject: Reply with quote
就这么看着
一步步登上寒冷之巅
肃穆着一张脸，端坐山顶
端坐在 自己的八极万仞之中

放眼，四围是无边无际的辽远
风吹 寒石不动，老枝不动
甚至 鹰的翅膀 也不动
阳光垂直地落下来
坐在 曾经日思夜想的
人生最高处
俯瞰往昔的一路狂奔
跌进热量散失 假意虚情的陷阱

几片固守的鸟羽 在寒风中
掀动 久违的温暖
听到季节背面 春天的叫喊
哦，大寒，大寒！


按照大家的修改建议复制了一份，放在这。：）
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-20 16:20:05    Post subject: Reply with quote
呵呵，我开始看的也好象是大寨 ,看来也是老眼昏花了~
这首诗歌很有武林大赛前,那种空旷浩远,天宇苍茫,寂静中又危机四伏的感觉.
现场感强烈，不错的，好诗~
Very Happy
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蓝郁
童生


Joined: 13 Nov 2007
Posts: 37

蓝郁Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-20 17:23:03    Post subject: Reply with quote
半溪明月 wrote:
呵呵，我开始看的也好象是大寨 ,看来也是老眼昏花了~
这首诗歌很有武林大赛前,那种空旷浩远,天宇苍茫,寂静中又危机四伏的感觉.
现场感强烈，不错的，好诗~
Very Happy


谢明月版版阅评，：）
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