莹雪
进士出身
Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection |
 Posted: 2007-11-12 15:46:12 Post subject: 醉花阴－题梦抒怀 |
 |
|
室外云浓舔细雨，润就闲书律。
飞梦访仙乡，彩翼凌空，火凤逍遥舞。
晨辉扰乱酣眠去，冷菊迎霜素。
怕韵婉约柔。观景思谋，豪气舒天宇。 |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
|
|
qinghongh
榜眼
Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110
qinghonghCollection |
| Posted: 2007-11-12 20:17:27 Post subject: 回 |
|
|
刚来个婉约MM,又来个豪放MM,莹雪MM真不错啊。“人比黄花瘦”的婉约李清照也曾写出“生当作人杰”的豪放。
不过，“豪气冲天宇”在这里的转折是否显得有些太直了一点？请MM再推敲推敲。 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
莹雪
进士出身
Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection |
| Posted: 2007-11-12 22:14:43 Post subject: Re: 回 |
|
|
| qinghongh wrote: |
刚来个婉约MM,又来个豪放MM,莹雪MM真不错啊。“人比黄花瘦”的婉约李清照也曾写出“生当作人杰”的豪放。
不过，“豪气冲天宇”在这里的转折是否显得有些太直了一点？请MM再推敲推敲。 |
好的，已经改过了。谢谢qinghongGG  |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
黄洋界
探花
Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection |
| Posted: 2007-11-13 07:11:10 Post subject: |
|
|
彩翼凌空梦境幽,拜读.
婉约也好,豪放也好,缘情而发就好.意下如何?
_________________
++++++++++++++
喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
莹雪
进士出身
Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection |
| Posted: 2007-11-13 16:21:10 Post subject: |
|
|
| 黄洋界 wrote: |
彩翼凌空梦境幽,拜读.
婉约也好,豪放也好,缘情而发就好.意下如何? |
谢谢黄兄点评！ |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
qinghongh
榜眼
Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110
qinghonghCollection |
| Posted: 2007-11-13 17:06:52 Post subject: |
|
|
“舒”字改得好，以免蹈“黄巢”。
赞同黄老师观点，写诗填词贵在随缘随意，有感而发。 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
莹雪
进士出身
Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection |
| Posted: 2007-11-13 19:00:13 Post subject: |
|
|
| qinghongh wrote: |
“舒”字改得好，以免蹈“黄巢”。
赞同黄老师观点，写诗填词贵在随缘随意，有感而发。 |
谢谢GG的细心！ |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Sign in
Album
