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让孩子们冬眠(感觉没写好，请大家批批~)
半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-29 00:53:12    Post subject: 让孩子们冬眠(感觉没写好，请大家批批~) Reply with quote
让孩子们冬眠

文/半溪明月

冬天，阳光越来越稀薄
手握锄头和铁器的孩子们
精力旺盛。他们挖掘珠宝
掠夺别人家的菜园子
羞惭的母亲流尽枯涩的泪

这个冬天，终下恶毒的咒
虎狼似的孩子们就此冬眠
抱着母亲花一样的乳房
甜甜地宁静地睡着
在春天和小草一起苏醒
2007-10-29
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荷梦
进士出身


Joined: 19 Dec 2006
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Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-29 01:12:12    Post subject: Reply with quote
有创意的构思，喜欢最后一句。问候明月！
这个冬天，终下恶毒的咒 ——让“虎狼似的孩子们”发生改变的咒不应该是恶毒的吧？ Embarassed
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子花
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Joined: 08 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: 2007-10-29 17:20:45    Post subject: Reply with quote
来学习月明诗人！
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白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
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PostPosted: 2007-10-29 18:16:21    Post subject: Reply with quote
荷梦 wrote:
有创意的构思，喜欢最后一句。问候明月！
这个冬天，终下恶毒的咒 ——让“虎狼似的孩子们”发生改变的咒不应该是恶毒的吧？ Embarassed


同感. 月亮, 我也觉得很难把"虎狼"和"孩子"联系在一起 Embarassed
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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-29 21:43:51    Post subject: Reply with quote
感谢荷梦/子花/白水的意见,这首诗歌感觉没有表达好,放置以后修改吧~问好大家!
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hepingdao
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Joined: 25 May 2006
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PostPosted: 2007-10-29 21:52:01    Post subject: Reply with quote
感觉很好哦

Very Happy
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韩少君
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PostPosted: 2007-10-29 22:16:45    Post subject: Reply with quote
好像某种动物。
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半溪明月
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半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-31 18:06:10    Post subject: Reply with quote
hepingdao wrote:
感觉很好哦

Very Happy


问好岛主~ Very Happy
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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
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半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-31 18:09:54    Post subject: Reply with quote
韩少君 wrote:
好像某种动物。

是啊，人要能像狗熊冬眠就好了，也不用过渡掠夺地球的资源，大家也不用打过来打过去了,地球母亲也不会伤痕累累了~
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彭世学
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PostPosted: 2007-11-01 18:31:56    Post subject: Reply with quote
拜读，问好！！
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遛达的七七
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Joined: 07 Jun 2006
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PostPosted: 2007-11-01 19:58:36    Post subject: Reply with quote
一转转到你家，晒晒月亮 ：）
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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
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半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-01 20:48:05    Post subject: Reply with quote
彭世学 wrote:
拜读，问好！！

问好彭世学~握!
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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-01 20:55:01    Post subject: Reply with quote
七小姐 wrote:
一转转到你家，晒晒月亮 ：）


呵呵,去你家，结果连接是北美枫,有人给连接错了~
我知道你乐趣有一个~ Very Happy
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