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金盞子、七律、摸魚兒、鷓鴣天
偶是老道
童生


Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Posts: 14

偶是老道Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-27 00:03:55    Post subject: 金盞子、七律、摸魚兒、鷓鴣天 Reply with quote

金盞子◎送友人回國

皓月無情。瀉冷光千里。又看離別。
借緑蟻三巡。如何更、來留遠方歸客。
暮秋滿袖蒼凉。是風流凝咽。
明朝去、誰知幾許年華。再逢君約。

情切。
意難歇。
常覺得、今番痛最烈。
人生幾回腸斷。方磨到、青絲鬢角如雪。
無爲歧路沾巾。且共長天月。
從今念、再渡萬里烟波。驚鴻一瞥。
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戴玨
秀才


Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 808

戴玨Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-27 09:38:37    Post subject: Reply with quote

歡迎老道!
不知是送中國友人回中國還是外國友人回外國?
上片結尾和下片結尾略顯重復。
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莹雪
进士出身


Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-27 16:51:30    Post subject: Reply with quote

歡迎,歡迎!
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偶是老道
童生


Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Posts: 14

偶是老道Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-02 20:49:17    Post subject: Reply with quote

戴玨 wrote:
歡迎老道!
不知是送中國友人回中國還是外國友人回外國?
上片結尾和下片結尾略顯重復。


既不是中國友人囬中國,也不是外國友人囬外國:)

謝賜教。
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偶是老道
童生


Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Posts: 14

偶是老道Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-02 21:04:54    Post subject: Reply with quote

網友以《詠李白》為題布置作業。要求寫七律一首。且以杜甫《聞官軍收河南河北》之韻步之。四日而無人應者。余向怯律詩。勉力爲之。蓋余此生第二首七律也。

青蓮原系九天客。日月爲魂雲作裳。
斗酒百篇僊本謫。朝靴一闋士堪狂。
望山慭慭驚蜀道。低首拳拳思故鄉。
最是臨歧佳句在。至今尤憶送南陽。
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游向高原的鱼
秀才


Joined: 20 May 2007
Posts: 382

游向高原的鱼Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-02 23:46:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

道可道非常道!
欣赏!
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偶是老道
童生


Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Posts: 14

偶是老道Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-05 06:45:05    Post subject: 【集句】摸魚兒◎次韵詠辛弃疾 Reply with quote

馬蕭蕭、茫茫百感,憑高唯有清嘯。帶湖買得新風月,老去歡情終少。千里眺。算此事、血華濺作紅心草。曠懷浩渺。听画角楼头,呜咽未断,一览众山小。

梁臺上、行止非人所料。從教飛燕頻繞。多情白髮春無奈,空記夢中曾到。冥杳杳。倩誰問、襄陽城外江山好。腥埃俱掃?甚书剑飘零,身犹是客,未忍過征櫂。
——————————————————————
1、計雧古詩詞共21句。用文森《讀辛詞有感》韻,以增其難也。
2、梁臺:南朝梁的禁城。此借指南宋。
3、飛燕:後漢書記載漢末黃巾軍首領張鷰曰:“賊帥常山人張燕,輕勇趫捷,故軍中號曰飛燕。”此喻辛弃疾。
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jemmy
秀才


Joined: 06 Jun 2007
Posts: 414
Location: china
jemmyCollection
PostPosted: 2007-11-05 07:09:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

不知又是谁的马甲,写到情切,无怪乎不愿露
当然,是新来也可能吧
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2007-11-05 17:13:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

老道道行很深啊!问好老道。
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晓松
举人


Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-05 19:17:13    Post subject: Reply with quote

明朝去、誰知幾許年華。再逢君約。
從今念、再渡萬里烟波。驚鴻一瞥。

从心赏、还望老道仁兄,再接再厉。
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偶是老道
童生


Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Posts: 14

偶是老道Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-05 20:15:26    Post subject: Reply with quote

晓松 wrote:
明朝去、誰知幾許年華。再逢君約。
從今念、再渡萬里烟波。驚鴻一瞥。

从心赏、还望老道仁兄,再接再厉。


有人說這兩結重了,我覺得是説的兩回事啊,曉松兄以爲如何?
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偶是老道
童生


Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Posts: 14

偶是老道Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-05 20:17:14    Post subject: 鷓鴣天◎習作求砸 Reply with quote

鷓鴣天◎習作求砸

桐影蕭疏落葉黃。
滄桑幾度又秋凉。
風當有舊敲文槅,月本無心照冷床。

人入夢,鬢飛霜。
年年長夜斷回腸。
遙知此刻千山外,君倚阿誰夢正香?
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晓松
举人


Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-06 18:52:57    Post subject: Re: 鷓鴣天◎習作求砸 Reply with quote

偶是老道 wrote:
鷓鴣天◎習作求砸

桐影蕭疏落葉黃。
滄桑幾度又秋凉。
風當有舊敲文槅,月本無心照冷床。

人入夢,鬢飛霜。
年年長夜斷回腸。
遙知此刻千山外,君倚阿誰夢正香?


老道朋友,習作求砸太客气,我说两句,只是探讨,不当勿怪。

前四句只是烘托气氛,没有实质性内容。后四句不知所云,君倚阿誰关偶何事?君和偶是什么关系,令人费猜。还有,年年長夜斷回腸,年年如此,怎么受得了啊?
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偶是老道
童生


Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Posts: 14

偶是老道Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-09 17:36:11    Post subject: Re: 鷓鴣天◎習作求砸 Reply with quote

晓松 wrote:


老道朋友,習作求砸太客气,我说两句,只是探讨,不当勿怪。

前四句只是烘托气氛,没有实质性内容。后四句不知所云,君倚阿誰关偶何事?君和偶是什么关系,令人费猜。还有,年年長夜斷回腸,年年如此,怎么受得了啊?


感謝評論,隻是很遺憾您沒有讀明白:)
問好
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偶是老道
童生


Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Posts: 14

偶是老道Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-09 17:40:20    Post subject: Re: 鷓鴣天◎習作求砸 Reply with quote

【原创】秋情緒◎鷓鴣天練筆一組

一、寄旅美友人
月不同懸兩地湖。嬋娟相共便虛無。三千里路乾坤一,八萬重山晝夜殊。
思遠別,憶當初。汪洋萬疊意難抒。十年最是相思路,贏得蒼蒼兩鬢疏。

二、秋夜
長別從來是晚霞。濃情過去暗無涯。身無雙翼堪爲恨,枝有千苞總落花。
風簌簌,雨沙沙。奈何今夜憶交加。秋愁或許又相念,今夜和風到我家。

三、秋意(用曹長河韻)
篱菊又黃星斗移。如泣鄰笛一猶之。唇邊吹盡千般意,雲裏消停兩地思。
心切切,狀持持。憑空寂寂寫新詞。若知此手難相執,何必相逢未嫁時。

四、閨思
叵耐今宵月又殘。教儂惹起滿心煩。捲成浩蕩九天去,扶得嬋娟每日圓。
長路遠,晚燈閑。案前空椅望君還。愿將此意連心摘,交與嫦娥刻月盤。
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晓松
举人


Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-20 20:28:51    Post subject: Reply with quote

这四首鷓鴣天文笔流畅,情深意浓。尤其喜欢结句。
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