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关于深秋的诗
周平庸
童生


Joined: 08 Jun 2007
Posts: 10

周平庸Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-19 17:20:55    Post subject: 关于深秋的诗 Reply with quote

《深秋2》

假如午睡已成为一种习惯
是保持
还是
端坐
假如端坐
也成习以为常的事
当下午,黄昏来临之前
许多人走出屋外
风吹残叶
叶落窗台
我还是一个无事做的人吗
在身后
一张书桌
铺满了台灯的暗光
这是深秋
三点钟的太阳已不知所终
丝毫不用奇怪
更不用担心
它将归于何处
止于何方
它将照常升起?
驾长车而隐扶桑之树
扶桑生于大海
大海茫茫
亦有云雾缭绕不断
整个下午,似乎都有云头之上的感觉
害怕跌落
所以我手把床沿
而后腾出一只手来
拍拍身上的尘土
现在是三点零一刻
当我重新回到书桌前的时候
一杯淡茶,已经
彻底凉透


《深秋3》

今天
冷极了!
是该穿上更多更厚的衣服
抵御严寒啦
寒气入侵
是这样的叫人难受,季节轮换
无止无休,诸如此类,路上的人,能够看得出,慌乱
还是仅为人之常情。深秋,临近?他端着膀
头却使劲往外衣里缩
缩的时候很夸张
也显得
有些吃惊和犹豫
再过半个小时
就真要到傍晚了
入夜,大街上
是否该多了两个人
一个清醒
一个烂醉
烂醉如泥的
手里拎着空瓶子
而我肯定要扮演那个清醒的角色
不知为什么
或许秋风一吹
就彻底酒醒了
一只空杯子在桌子上
一盒烟放在许多本书上
一条毛巾悬挂在晾衣绳上
从一个墙角,他踱到另一个墙角
他似乎明白这样一个道理:
酒不醉人人自醉


http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1227678282庸冢
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-20 19:47:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

秋天是诗人的
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杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-21 16:06:45    Post subject: Reply with quote

喜欢这样的口语风格!!问候诗人青民!!
_________________
走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-22 18:12:40    Post subject: Reply with quote

确有晚秋的情景。很有同感!问好!
_________________
靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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子花
秀才


Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-23 02:13:45    Post subject: Reply with quote

个人感觉缺少了跳跃.感觉很多句子就这样给你折断了~个见个见!
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