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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

无题

李资富
秀才

Joined: 26 Mar 2007
Posts: 131
Location: 中国.绵阳
李资富Collection

Posted: 2007-10-09 02:00:19 Post subject: 无题

无题鹰在飞翔竹笛仰望青山天花板渗出语言划一道弧线空气碎了一地时间横卧虚无偶尔被风惊醒没有墙存在天花板四处漂浮也无隐喻眼睛和耳朵在文字里静穆 2007年10月9日黎明 _________________ 走下去，圣殿就在前方！

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-10-09 05:47:52 Post subject:

语句生硬了点～

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2007-10-10 12:40:46 Post subject:

空气碎了一地时间横卧虚无偶尔被风惊醒没有墙存在天花板四处漂浮有很多耐品的句子。用了心思。有启发性，不错。但较难串在一起。散珠的感觉。另外，同样的手法从头到尾，稍微牵强了点，哈哈。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-10-10 13:26:30 Post subject:

尚可．只是欣赏习惯问题．似乎　浅入深出 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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