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咏菊
黑雨滴
秀才


Joined: 11 Jun 2007
Posts: 144

黑雨滴Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-08 19:05:12    Post subject: 咏菊 Reply with quote

古剑与酒
沿着城市的人行道
弯腰
和疲惫的浮尘一样
这些黄的、白的、粉的和降红的花朵
面色苍白
乡愁染梦
飒飒秋风里
满天月亮

今宵
南山歌舞升平
没觉出心事
今宵杯中
化了月色
那窈窕壑谷
那涓涓清流
在飞倦的瞬间盘桓
于东篱之下
问伊人
悠然否
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hepingdao
Site Admin


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-10-08 19:14:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

还是感觉还是有些散
没集中一点,加大力度轰炸
Very Happy
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黑雨滴
秀才


Joined: 11 Jun 2007
Posts: 144

黑雨滴Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-08 19:21:26    Post subject: Reply with quote

hepingdao wrote:
还是感觉还是有些散
没集中一点,加大力度轰炸
Very Happy


谢谢和平岛,我以后注重下思考
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-09 01:40:13    Post subject: Reply with quote

于东篱之下
问伊人
悠然否
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