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还是随感
半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-05 21:29:34    Post subject: 还是随感 Reply with quote
6

结果都一样
忙音和盲音，说不出
哪个更好些

湿漉漉的气压。水珠
从地板缝里挤出来
像散落一地的水银

如果不是重金属
有没有人愿意喝下去

小妇人已经成熟
手心里，攥着蓝手帕

7

像一尾鱼
许多念头一纵就逝
我抓不住的寂寞
游在痛的边缘

细微的生活字眼中
我总能挑出快乐
满足，如街边的俗妇
对男人的侧目和女人的愤世
熟视无睹

可寂寞，如漏风的窗户
轻飘飘的心帘,总在暗夜掀动
起身，将风关于窗外
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hepingdao
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Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-10-05 21:37:37    Post subject: Reply with quote
也是看了什么故事
感慨吧
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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-05 21:45:17    Post subject: Reply with quote
哈哈，和你一样~ Very Happy
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hepingdao
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Joined: 25 May 2006
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hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-10-06 01:21:53    Post subject: Reply with quote
有感而发
总是好事情
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杯中冲浪
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Joined: 29 Sep 2006
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Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-06 02:40:42    Post subject: Reply with quote
个别处有李清照的手法。
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桔子
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Joined: 15 May 2007
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桔子Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-06 03:43:11    Post subject: Reply with quote
像一尾鱼
许多念头一纵就逝
我抓不住的寂寞
游在痛的边缘
好感觉 Very Happy
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白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
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Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-06 05:22:49    Post subject: Reply with quote
轻飘飘的心帘,总在暗夜掀动
起身，将风关于窗外


月亮, 心动了 Confused
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上城
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PostPosted: 2007-10-06 05:29:42    Post subject: Reply with quote
读此诗不得不心动
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上城
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PostPosted: 2007-10-06 05:32:38    Post subject: Reply with quote
hepingdao wrote:
有感而发
总是好事情


岛主话外有音。难道此诗不好么？心动没有？
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上城
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PostPosted: 2007-10-06 05:35:19    Post subject: Reply with quote
建议写完整。长几十节。期待
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半溪明月
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PostPosted: 2007-10-06 06:47:09    Post subject: Reply with quote
杯中冲浪 wrote:
个别处有李清照的手法。


赫赫，下次一定要多看看李清照的词～
谢谢狼哥的夸奖～
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半溪明月
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Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-06 07:11:23    Post subject: Reply with quote
桔子 wrote:
像一尾鱼
许多念头一纵就逝
我抓不住的寂寞
游在痛的边缘
好感觉 Very Happy


谢桔子点评，问好！
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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-06 07:13:46    Post subject: Reply with quote
白水 Moonlight wrote:
轻飘飘的心帘,总在暗夜掀动
起身，将风关于窗外


月亮, 心动了 Confused

呵呵，但愿能打动你心 Very Happy
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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-06 07:23:06    Post subject: Reply with quote
伤城 wrote:
建议写完整。长几十节。期待


呵呵，伤城，你把这诗说太好了，其实没有什么新东西，继续努力吧！
对了，你的签名好象是写给我的诗歌吧，又不太一样
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上城
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PostPosted: 2007-10-06 07:38:15    Post subject: Reply with quote
那签名后两句是从我的长诗《风雪行》中挖来的。
连同前面的两句，凑个“集句”吧。

不是没有新东西。只是这两日读希腊罗马的诗太多了，有的很激动。
但很多也不堪卒读。读读北美枫，也有另一种风景。比如你第七首写得
很美，富于深深的美感。如你看一眼世纪初的象征，浪漫，大抵差不多。
读多了粗糙，朴素，读读有古典伤感的很好。真是突然心动！
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