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现代爱情关键词
被春天流放
童生


Joined: 28 Sep 2007
Posts: 18

被春天流放Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-28 23:15:26    Post subject: 现代爱情关键词 Reply with quote

《包二奶》

他在她身上贴金片,作圈地运动
她一寸一寸地失守
残留的乡土味,被浓浓的脂粉气息掩盖
现在,她已经很妖娆了,能泛起更多的波浪
二奶是贬义词,在人前,她尽量把颜色调得暗一些
夜深时,她辗转反侧,一遍遍想起
在乡下,曾为那个叫二牛的小子
怎样在眼睛里一次次蓄满秋水

《傍大款》

她碰他,缠绕他,蹭他
用她的水蛇腰,用香水味,用秋波
为他开花,为他伸展婆娑的体态
她喜欢听他身体里金币哗啦啦地响
现在,她已经弯曲成没有根的藤蔓
依靠在他的肩头,像随时将要坠下的一片云
他有时轻轻敲她,听听她清脆的回声
满意地说,“这的确是一个不错的花瓶”

《一夜情》

他把玫瑰虚晃了几下
果然,有一个女人从天上掉下来
他说,“我已经很干燥了,请给我一点火星”
她灿烂,散发浓厚的火灾味道
他不顾一切地化为灰烬
天亮时,她合拢起所有的花瓣
惶惑地问:“城市这么拥挤,能不能
成为我们迷失的借口”

《婚外恋》

她急切想找到一个释放春天的出口
比如,偶尔把一行红杏探出墙外
在这方孤城,她快要褪尽最后一抹绯红
而身边的这个男人,每天只是粗糙地垒着日子
她从一扇暧昧的窗口一次次出轨
有时是肉身,更多时只飘出一缕暗香
她安慰自己:“如果你不知道,我疼在哪里
怎能阻止我的逃逸”

《第三者》

她在自家后院,发现了另一个人的脚印
从残留的香水味,可以断定
有一个妖冶的女人,在她与他的缝隙
一直在轻佻地走来走去
这些年,她尽力筑牢篱笆
每天忍受炊烟熏烤,她快要褪尽色泽
她茫然,经营这多年的幸福
为什么,经不起一只狐狸漫不经心地践踏
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nobody
进士出身


Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection
PostPosted: 2007-09-28 23:37:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

她尽量把颜色调得暗一些
怎样在眼睛里一次次蓄满秋水
为他开花
他把玫瑰虚晃了几下
散发浓厚的火灾味道。。。

描绘准确。
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博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-28 23:56:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

very good, poets should write more life poetry like this:
new words, new reality, new impact in social fabrics
that unique to this period, not what felt by Plum* or White
on the other hand, * relatively, I'm downgrading Li and Bai here, and only here.

the poetics could yet be better written; already a good starting place
to write how you interpret the most common social awareness today.
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阿依琼裙
秀才


Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
阿依琼裙Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-29 08:04:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

形象的准确的语言~

赞!
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http://blog.sina.com.cn/m/weiyurong
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