迪拜 同进士出身
Joined: 31 Oct 2006 Posts: 1588
迪拜Collection |
Posted: 2007-09-26 17:12:37 Post subject: <极光> |
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<极光>
每一个轮回的太阳
我只能凝视它两次
余下的,那眩目的闪耀啊
我奋力仰望,却流着眼泪 |
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杨海军 进士出身
Joined: 01 Mar 2007 Posts: 2205 Location: 吉林 杨海军Collection |
Posted: 2007-09-26 18:41:34 Post subject: |
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每一个轮回的太阳
我只能安静地看它两次
多余的,那眩目的闪耀啊
我用窗帘把它悄悄地遮盖
问好迪拜诗人!! _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751 |
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阿依琼裙 秀才

Joined: 09 Apr 2007 Posts: 920 Location: 废墟之上 阿依琼裙Collection |
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半溪明月 榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006 Posts: 4760
半溪明月Collection |
Posted: 2007-09-27 01:27:11 Post subject: |
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有回味~问好! |
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司马策风 举人

Joined: 03 Dec 2006 Posts: 1211 Location: 温哥华 司马策风Collection |
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迪拜 同进士出身
Joined: 31 Oct 2006 Posts: 1588
迪拜Collection |
Posted: 2007-09-28 16:55:24 Post subject: |
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谢谢司马先生的点评. |
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桔子 秀才

Joined: 15 May 2007 Posts: 214
桔子Collection |
Posted: 2007-09-30 14:41:40 Post subject: |
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有余韵, 早晨好  |
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William Zhou周道模 探花
Joined: 10 Jun 2007 Posts: 3950 Location: 中国四川广汉 William Zhou周道模Collection |
Posted: 2007-09-30 19:51:26 Post subject: |
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问好迪拜!又出国了。极光的舞蹈多美啊,还未写够。 _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模 |
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下一个偶像是野兽 秀才

Joined: 16 Jan 2007 Posts: 504 Location: 西安 下一个偶像是野兽Collection |
Posted: 2007-09-30 19:57:38 Post subject: |
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欣赏。问好。 _________________ 我的博客:http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1251343504 |
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白水 大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2007-09-30 20:51:45 Post subject: |
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每一个轮回的太阳
我只能安静地看它两次
多余的,那眩目的闪耀啊
我用窗帘把它悄悄地遮盖
作为短诗, 字还可敛 |
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kokho 进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006 Posts: 2642 Location: Singapore kokhoCollection |
Posted: 2007-10-01 11:49:55 Post subject: |
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。
拜读。。。
。。
。 _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌 |
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迪拜 同进士出身
Joined: 31 Oct 2006 Posts: 1588
迪拜Collection |
Posted: 2007-10-01 20:33:31 Post subject: |
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进行了修改
不知道,效果怎样 |
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迪拜 同进士出身
Joined: 31 Oct 2006 Posts: 1588
迪拜Collection |
Posted: 2007-10-02 21:40:23 Post subject: |
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第二次修改后
仍然无法满意
再次进行修改
自己感觉好一点 |
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半溪明月 榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006 Posts: 4760
半溪明月Collection |
Posted: 2007-10-02 22:18:05 Post subject: |
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<日全食>
每一个轮回的太阳
我最多注视它两次
余下的,那眩目的光耀啊
我用窗帘悄悄遮盖
不好意思,帮你改了下,个见!你自己斟酌下~ |
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刘雨萍 秀才
Joined: 25 Jan 2007 Posts: 226 Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A 刘雨萍Collection |
Posted: 2007-10-03 12:07:54 Post subject: |
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学习你精益求精的态度. 问好 _________________ 隔海抒情 |
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William Zhou周道模 探花
Joined: 10 Jun 2007 Posts: 3950 Location: 中国四川广汉 William Zhou周道模Collection |
Posted: 2007-10-03 16:00:13 Post subject: |
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《极光》的面条又闪成了《日全食》饼饼了啥? _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模 |
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迪拜 同进士出身
Joined: 31 Oct 2006 Posts: 1588
迪拜Collection |
Posted: 2007-10-03 19:46:48 Post subject: |
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又改了
唉,伤脑筋。 |
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白水 大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2007-10-03 19:54:03 Post subject: |
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极光
__读迪拜诗后感
我 从不
正视太阳 那
眩目的
让我
躲进一帘幽梦
这是我准备归于<致你>那一组诗歌的. |
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子花 秀才
Joined: 08 Mar 2007 Posts: 722
子花Collection |
Posted: 2007-10-03 21:41:01 Post subject: |
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用眼皮遮盖吧~~~呵呵问好各位 |
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