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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

或许,应当开灯

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2007-09-11 14:44:22 Post subject: 或许,应当开灯

你说，这样的傍晚左边是昏，右边是暗独坐中间，秋便来了没有梧桐，没有细雨却有黑黑的湿漫透农历七月最后一丝亮或许,应当开灯你说,仅仅只是说 2007-09-10 18:27:11

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-09-11 17:51:32 Post subject:

左边是昏，右边是暗独坐中间，秋便来了喜欢这份柔美. 问好

nobody
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Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2007-09-11 18:30:48 Post subject:

很精致。问好。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

遛达的七七
秀才

Joined: 07 Jun 2006
Posts: 329

遛达的七七Collection

Posted: 2007-09-11 19:11:55 Post subject:

美女好! 诗也好：）

kokho
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Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2007-09-12 02:12:46 Post subject:

难得七七称赞：）确实是短小启承转结都齐全结得好！！！。。 _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2007-09-12 03:42:21 Post subject:

谢白水、nobody、七七、kokho评阅！问好！

韩少君
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Joined: 06 Apr 2007
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Posted: 2007-09-12 04:18:09 Post subject:

好!欣赏! 或许,应当开灯你说,仅仅只是说 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2007-09-12 05:06:49 Post subject:

谢谢少君，自己再看，把那“说”字改成“想”是不是更好？或许,应当开灯你想，仅仅只是想

韩少君
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Posted: 2007-09-12 05:19:45 Post subject:

差不多.说---行为动词.想-----心理动词. 我认为说好一点寂静中突来的声音. _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

迪拜
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Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2007-09-12 17:50:30 Post subject:

蛮有意境的.

千里
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Joined: 30 Jul 2007
Posts: 135

千里Collection

Posted: 2007-09-13 04:09:15 Post subject:

韩少君 wrote:

差不多.说---行为动词.想-----心理动词.

我认为说好一点寂静中突来的声音.

荷梦，妳好，

很同意韩先生

说，或许是还在口中未及吐出的
在心理动词与行为动词间摇晃的…

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2007-09-13 04:21:27 Post subject:

迪拜 wrote:

蛮有意境的.

谢谢！

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2007-09-13 04:28:29 Post subject:

千里 wrote:

韩少君 wrote:

差不多.说---行为动词.想-----心理动词.

我认为说好一点寂静中突来的声音.

荷梦，妳好，

很同意韩先生

说，或许是还在口中未及吐出的
在心理动词与行为动词间摇晃的…

谢谢二位的真诚指教！ Razz

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