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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

天晴了，我闻到了桂花的清芬

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2007-09-12 05:12:37 Post subject: 天晴了，我闻到了桂花的清芬

那一场雨那一场冷脸驱赶夏的雨终于倦了。眯缝的眼撑裂棉桃棉花一直白到天上天很高,很蓝一朵朵棉花飘荡荡香了桂花。只是中秋还有些日子吴刚的酒还没有酿好月宫的门还关得很紧很紧让我们扳着手指看玉兔逐日开大偷看的门儿

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2007-09-12 05:13:33 Post subject:

才刚刚临屏的，请各位指教！

韩少君
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Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-09-12 05:21:08 Post subject:

让我们扳着手指看玉兔逐日开大偷看的门儿奇巧. _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-09-12 07:30:05 Post subject:

让我们扳着手指看玉兔逐日开大偷看的门儿不错，妙

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-09-12 21:10:40 Post subject:

临屏的诗歌往往情感更真实.

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2007-09-13 01:50:49 Post subject:

终于倦了。眯缝的眼撑裂棉桃棉花一直白到天上。。。天很高,很蓝一朵朵棉花飘荡荡开了桂花。只是中秋还有些日子《》都说你有慧根　这种诗歌蒙太奇　你一写就上了塔顶　！！！ｌａｋｅ，　白水，　半溪，　品玉　快来学学　：）我第一次看到　　是在梁积林　那里学到的，他在这里也有发诗　！！！。 _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2007-09-13 02:47:22 Post subject:

谢少君、明月、白水评阅！问好！

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2007-09-13 02:54:25 Post subject:

kokho wrote:

看到你的努力，付出　也看到　荷梦一步登天；　
荷梦一向来看我不爽　：）所以我和他说话，没有什么好保留的！

。

荷梦愚钝，看到你发的那些感慨晕忽忽的，不明白你的那些话是赞我还是损我？荷梦喝的墨水不多，人又懒，因此肚内既无货，又不爱学习。甚至于什么诗歌技巧，什么“蒙太奇”都不很清楚。文字对荷梦来说，重要的是表达，而不是技巧，什么时候想表达就涂鸦几句，不想写就搁笔，写的时候也是高兴怎么写，就怎么写。那些理论对荷梦太高深了，荷梦不懂，也不想懂，随你怎么说，荷梦还是荷梦，没有什么登天不登天的。
荷梦一向来看你不爽吗？天地良心，只一句话，若真那样，当初我就不到这坛子来！ Exclamation

kokho
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Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2007-09-13 03:05:01 Post subject:

是赞你诗写的好哟　：）猪八戒照镜　里外我都不是人了　．．．．． _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

kokho
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Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2007-09-13 03:05:41 Post subject:

詩與禪 http://www.taiwanpoetry.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=19877 ． _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2007-09-13 03:13:20 Post subject:

kokho wrote:

是赞你诗写的好哟　：）

猪八戒照镜　里外我都不是人了　．．．

．．

我才不要你赞呢！你是不是人，跟我没关系！呵呵！

Lake
举人

Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

LakeCollection

Posted: 2007-09-13 12:12:59 Post subject:

咳咳。。。被点名，不论是好点名还是坏点名，总让人有种惊吓的感觉。。。大家都说这首诗好，那就是好了，管它是临屏还是蒙太奇，好就是好。可又说不出怎么个好法，只是觉得读起来很舒适，很美丽，很亲切。那，Kokho 这不是来了个理论和实践相结合吗：棉桃，棉花，桂花—诗歌蒙太奇。让我等时习之，不亦悦乎。读过几首荷梦的诗，给我最深刻的印象就是，荷梦的诗和生活，和大自然联系非常紧密，自然，不做作，贴近读者（我）。 _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-09-13 13:16:48 Post subject:

很清新好 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

杨海军
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Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
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Posted: 2007-09-13 23:17:43 Post subject:

一场雨那一场冷脸驱赶夏的雨终于倦了。眯缝的眼撑裂棉桃棉花一直白到天上 _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-09-14 07:39:30 Post subject:

诗歌的讨论,仅限于诗歌本身而内部事物, 请在内部讨论谢谢和平岛 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

溪语
秀才

Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 509
Location: 中国恩施
溪语Collection

Posted: 2007-09-14 08:39:41 Post subject:

应该算是不错的. _________________ 溪语的博客:家住鄂西

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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