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杂七杂八的几个旧旧~~~批评
子花
秀才


Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-12 18:25:23    Post subject: 杂七杂八的几个旧旧~~~批评 Reply with quote

《离》
夜死了一半
身体死了一半
心脏 骨头偷偷爬上树枝
淋了一晚雨

身体
病了
其实早就病了
套不住 它们
在雨中爱得死去活来

《必然》
一定是的
横七竖八的色彩和线条堵塞了渠道 水
无法穿过 神经节
一直在膨胀 以至开裂
流淌在细胞间
那漂满石头的海洋
滋养着坚强

勾勒生活的笔 划开
身体 一半在地面一半在地下
它却疯狂地开垦
刨起地下的安静 梦
割去森林 夕阳裸露

《最终要飞走》
我记得 那一年秋风瑟瑟
你单薄的身影在树下 多像一片落叶
安静、忧郁如衰老的蝴蝶 轻轻煽动
这个季节的伤痛 在夕阳下
胜过滴血的晚霞 倒映在眼眸
深深地把你拥抱 闭上眼
假设一个世界 只有两人
草原、羊群、木屋、炊烟和白云
彼此爱慕着 在一个不禁意的傍晚
睁开眼
锁不住的云霞放满都市边缘
锁不住的世界被楼群冷冷地侵占

《书》
发黄的尸体
填满黑色骨头 刺穿
瞳孔 撞击
神经的脆弱
断裂之声
溢出骨子里的痛

《活着的伤》
湿漉漉 盘吸在七寸
身体一圈圈移至伤口

一具柴骨
驮着一只巨大的牛虻

谁又能说不像
人血馒头

当然
这不是在说诗歌

《赤脚上街》
一次次把脚裸露
企图接触大地
寻找泥土的灵魂

一层层落叶那
仰望着枝头和白云
竟无处归依

促足
十个趾头看着落叶和冗长的大街
皮鞋 清洁工和扫帚

沙沙沙沙沙沙的声音
比秋风利索
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-12 20:29:04    Post subject: Reply with quote

激情, 浓烈
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郭野曦
童生


Joined: 07 Sep 2007
Posts: 29
Location: 中国:吉林
郭野曦Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-13 01:08:49    Post subject: Reply with quote

简捷、干净的语言,拜读了,问好!
_________________
让作品说话,文本以外的表白,一个字也是多余。
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kokho
进士出身


Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-09-13 01:44:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

一具柴骨
驮着一只巨大的牛虻

谁又能说不像
人血馒头

《》震撼的形象群 :)

。。
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌
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迪拜
同进士出身


Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-13 17:16:02    Post subject: Reply with quote

相对来说

<最终要飞走>写得清晰

有感觉

其余得,多少有"写作的刻痕"
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子花
秀才


Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-14 06:44:42    Post subject: Reply with quote

感谢几位诗人阅读和评语!!子花铭记!!
我都没时候时间上网了,你们就恨恨的砍吧!!我回来收拾下片片就是了!!再次感谢几位诗人~~~~~
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