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七律(四首);浣溪沙(四首);蝶恋花;忆秦娥(十首);七绝(十首);鹧鸪天^_^1[2][3][4]  Next
征尘载袖
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征尘载袖Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-08 08:01:16    Post subject: 七律(四首);浣溪沙(四首);蝶恋花;忆秦娥(十首);七绝(十首);鹧鸪天^_^ Reply with quote

七律

乱山何许晕华初,梦蝶悠飏佐酒壶。潇洒情怀风月倦,英豪气宇燕莺疏。
竹兰梅菊皆幽淡,春夏秋冬总若无。刷泪芳菲问时聚,拥来虚籁露风涂。
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征尘载袖
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Joined: 18 Aug 2007
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Location: 臭豆腐作坊
征尘载袖Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-08 08:02:53    Post subject: Reply with quote



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征尘载袖
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Joined: 18 Aug 2007
Posts: 527
Location: 臭豆腐作坊
征尘载袖Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-08 08:12:44    Post subject: Reply with quote

浣溪沙

余馥剩膏秋渐滴,试尊凉月宴雕堂,海珍山味箸头香。
一曲烟江空月静,柳闲花媚舞腰裳,醉攀吟绕总无常。
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白云闲人
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Joined: 26 Aug 2007
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PostPosted: 2007-09-08 12:20:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

征尘载袖,一曲浣溪沙秋色欲滴,潇洒烟江!
有两点供参考:
(1) "滴"属第十七部[十二锡]入声,不属第二部平声;
(2) 在赋诗词时,尽可能避免为迁就格律而把成语,谚语,民间常用语倒妆使用,以避免产生牵强的感觉,发挥词态的美感.如该词的格律完全可以用"山珍海味",而无需倒妆"海珍山味".
仅供相互研究.
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征尘载袖
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PostPosted: 2007-09-08 14:24:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

白云闲人先生:
一、你说的“滴”是入声没错,但据《钦定词谱》记载,《浣溪沙》共有五体,我写的是其中的一个变体。该变体词谱如下:
又一体 双调四十二字,前后段各三句,两平韵 薛昭蕴
红蓼渡头秋正雨句
○●●○○●●
印沙鸥迹自成行韵
●○○●●○○
整鬟飘袖野风香韵
●○○●●○○

不语含颦深浦里句
●●○○○●●
几回愁煞棹船郎韵
●○○●●○○
燕归帆尽水茫茫韵
●○○●●○○

?   此词首句不起韵。薛词别首“越女淘金春水上,步摇云鬓佩鸣珰”,正与此同。


二、颠倒使用成语、谚语以及常用语,不仅仅是为了迁就格律,也是诗词的一种写作技巧,古人有之,不妨一试。可能没试好,让您见笑了^_^
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白云闲人
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Joined: 26 Aug 2007
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PostPosted: 2007-09-08 14:53:20    Post subject: Reply with quote

交流就是好! 可以坛长见识,加强互动,推进沟通.望今后继续不断,才有生气,有活力,有兴趣.
征尘载袖,很欣赏你的聪颖!
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征尘载袖
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Location: 臭豆腐作坊
征尘载袖Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-09 02:00:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

白云闲人 wrote:
交流就是好! 可以坛长见识,加强互动,推进沟通.望今后继续不断,才有生气,有活力,有兴趣.
征尘载袖,很欣赏你的聪颖!


白云闲人先生是中小学老师吧,咋就说话跟他们一个平仄韵呢^_^
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征尘载袖
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PostPosted: 2007-09-09 02:02:26    Post subject: Reply with quote

浣溪沙

盘里鱼虾散厚香,颌舒唇裹舌翻狂,嚼宫吞羽满腮腔。

何止吃肥还走瘦,时教前额上灵光。
岸边游,闲里坐,小轩窗。
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征尘载袖
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Joined: 18 Aug 2007
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征尘载袖Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-09 04:42:17    Post subject: Reply with quote

浣溪沙

仙馆凌虚映碧开,泊烟风定一帆来。
漫俊游,占淑景,且衔杯。

醉下翠蓬空自问,香消红盖枉他猜。
鸣佩语,品檀痕,等闲哉。

谨以此奉寄他乡客先生
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他乡客
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PostPosted: 2007-09-09 06:26:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

征尘载袖 wrote:
浣溪沙

仙馆凌虚映碧开,泊烟风定一帆来。
漫俊游,占淑景,且衔杯。

醉下翠蓬空自问,香消红盖枉他猜。
鸣佩语,品檀痕,等闲哉。

谨以此奉寄他乡客先生

谢谢征尘载袖赠词-浣溪沙. 不过姑娘好像是和咱打哑谜. 在下愚鲁迟钝, 猜不透含义. ‘香消红盖枉他猜’,愚人自有愚人法, 猜不着咱就不猜了. 做个‘醉卧他乡梦中仙’.

昨晚读了姑娘的七律, 颇为喜欢. 一时兴起, 掂来16句五言, 戏称和一首五古(如下). 后来细想,觉得时机尚早, 6小时后我又撤了下来.想等两周后再贴. 想来征尘载袖已看到我那首五古.

征尘载袖原玉

七律

家住燕山道士身,吟诗付与断肠人。岫云凝碧叹香艳,晚景飞霞说伪真。
素羽凉摇虚若实,闲情易改富如贫。柳烟不掩流波意,唯恐残蝉一再吟。

(他乡客) 学习着和一首五古. 请征尘载袖斧正

五古

红颜透傲骨,怠慢走美人. 细雨阻归程,无心柳成荫.
开卷论经略,枪手两三人. 面视三堂审,应变假作真.
寻兄访鹅岭,借宿于渥村. 小贤临虎变,等闲富与贫.
教授无觅处,临时拜佛门. 十年寒霜苦,一啸虎龙吟.

姑娘若为此事, 且容老朽一周后明告真像. Wink
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白水
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PostPosted: 2007-09-09 07:15:03    Post subject: Reply with quote

哈, 他乡客. 莫问神仙事, 不猜便无愁. 小窗关不住, 任她天地游.
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征尘载袖
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PostPosted: 2007-09-09 19:02:37    Post subject: Reply with quote

他乡客先生,那就等你说出真相后,我再告诉你我的这首《七律》和赠你的《浣溪沙》写的啥^_^

还是白水姐姐说得对^_^
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征尘载袖
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PostPosted: 2007-09-10 06:17:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

浣溪沙

迷望北南幽寂久,云深梦浅灯花瘦,吟壁乱蛩坊陌有。
香红映脸鸡鸣后,指点花梢莺燕逗,约叶邀莲推浦皱。
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征尘载袖
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PostPosted: 2007-09-12 06:23:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

蝶恋花

又到流萤疏月舞,风起烟沉,共卜垂怜露。
依旧竹声摇绿与,红莲俏似轻盈步。

醉卧垆台听燕语,收拾行囊,破晓南飞去。
离索酒杯留腻句,虚巢静候归来住。
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晓松
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PostPosted: 2007-09-12 19:28:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

这已经是征尘载袖的第三个大口袋了,那两个(凤凰台上忆吹箫)(钗头凤)已经装的鼓鼓的,丰收果实~
不过,别人也往自己家里收藏。
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白水
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PostPosted: 2007-09-12 21:20:34    Post subject: Reply with quote

今晚听着音乐读了好多李清照的诗, 现在再来读MM的. 感觉真是很遐意. 问好MM. 代问小丢丢, 溪溪她们好.
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枫华墨客
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PostPosted: 2007-09-13 04:55:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

想请教这位MM,

词句的长短有什么讲究呢?

每一种词牌,是否代表了一种感觉和角度呢?或者说,怎样来选择,何时用这个词牌,什么样的情绪,又用那样的词牌呢?

还是,随便什么词牌,写什么,铺什么样的情绪都可以呢?

谢了。
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征尘载袖
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PostPosted: 2007-09-13 06:24:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

晓松 wrote:
这已经是征尘载袖的第三个大口袋了,那两个(凤凰台上忆吹箫)(钗头凤)已经装的鼓鼓的,丰收果实~
不过,别人也往自己家里收藏。


晓松先生,我本想搞一个口袋的,又怕白水姐姐批评我,所以才这样安排的,不好意思哈^_^
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征尘载袖
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Joined: 18 Aug 2007
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Location: 臭豆腐作坊
征尘载袖Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-13 06:26:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

白水 Moonlight wrote:
今晚听着音乐读了好多李清照的诗, 现在再来读MM的. 感觉真是很遐意. 问好MM. 代问小丢丢, 溪溪她们好.


谢谢姐姐^_^
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征尘载袖
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PostPosted: 2007-09-13 06:43:32    Post subject: Reply with quote



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