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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

<<我和你在村庄外>>

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-09-06 13:38:33 Post subject: <<我和你在村庄外>>

我和你在村庄外由杨柳向日葵和姑娘组成村庄由牛羊猫狗和喜鹊组成空气由我和你组成仇和恨一个村东一个村西我们相识互不言语狭路相逢也表情木然紧扣牙齿那两个温暖的字成了各自牙逢里的两粒生米这是诞生我的村庄也必是终了你的村庄在众多的幸福的人群里都没有我和你 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

新华
秀才

Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Posts: 225

新华Collection

Posted: 2007-09-06 17:05:42 Post subject:

在众多的幸福的人群里都没有我和你娓娓道来，蕴含哲理，不惑之言。远握。

爱松
秀才

Joined: 28 May 2007
Posts: 208
Location: 中国昆明
爱松Collection

Posted: 2007-09-06 17:28:56 Post subject:

蕴涵哲理，喜欢。

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2007-09-06 18:57:57 Post subject:

第二节: "我们相识,却不言语"可以不用最后一节: "必是终了你的村庄"不妨改为"也可能是...." 最后1行,可以改为: "找不到另外两个影子" 得罪!

冯六一
童生

Joined: 16 Aug 2007
Posts: 18
Location: 湖南岳阳
冯六一Collection

Posted: 2007-09-06 19:18:35 Post subject:

问好! _________________ 临水人洁近荷心香

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-09-06 21:25:06 Post subject:

只有仇和恨，没有爱和恨？

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-09-07 17:13:30 Post subject:

那两个温暖的字成了各自牙逢里的两粒生米 SAY OUT

山城子
榜眼

Joined: 23 May 2007
Posts: 4771
Location: 中国贵州
山城子Collection

Posted: 2007-09-08 00:15:22 Post subject:

由我和你组成仇和恨 ——何必！时间会过滤出美好的回忆！ _________________ 诗是人生的雅伴儿。

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-09-08 14:14:03 Post subject:

向各位致谢! _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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