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<织物>
迪拜
同进士出身


Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-12 17:51:21    Post subject: <织物> Reply with quote

织物的作用
如此的显而易见

一个男人穿着
织物制成的内裤
把两腿间的凸起
包裹住

那形态 也许
更能吸引另一个男人的目光

而在夜里
织物的棉被
盖住了他的裸身

你却可以想象
你在他身边可以的欢乐

盖了棉被
我觉得我有了自己的世界

我想抚摸织物
抚摸他穿着的内裤
他的裸身
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和平岛
举人


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-12 18:19:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

织物的作用
如此的显而易见
Very Happy
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写诗是为了写更好的诗
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赵福治
探花


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-12 19:20:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

我想抚摸织物
抚摸他穿着的内裤
他的裸身。。。。。。。。。。。对织物的理解。
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迪拜
同进士出身


Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-13 17:27:48    Post subject: 反映一个真实的世界吧 Reply with quote

反映一个真实的世界吧,

现在,文学界,一个普遍的声音是:真实
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鹤雨
秀才


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 113
Location: 上海
鹤雨Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-13 18:05:42    Post subject: 呵呵,这样的真实反映在小说中 Reply with quote

可能更具情节效应。在诗歌语言中,这样的真实个人认为再现的意义和价值不大!反而有损诗歌的纯净美!枉评问好!
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愿意和大家共同进步!
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-14 05:35:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

织物所裹之后
那丰满
而沉重
更像
一枚
熟透的水果

——哈哈,这样改好么?
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杯中冲浪.披履而行
http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006
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迪拜
同进士出身


Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-16 17:10:17    Post subject: 表达了内心的感受 Reply with quote

其实,这是一首严肃的"同志"诗歌

表达了内心的感受

谢谢阅读
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蓝桥
秀才


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 105

蓝桥Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-17 03:53:31    Post subject: Reply with quote

可以再藏些,个见,问好!
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